I picked up Vow over the weekend.  One of my favorite authoress co-wrote this (Mitzi Miller).  So I am excited. 

 The book club that I am in did not choose a book for December, so I guess I am on my own.  I will write a personal review.

 Also I am going to try to start concentrating on getting into a MPA Program.  Starting tonight I will be studying for the GRE a hour each night.  I need to bust a 1200 to get into a good MPA program concentrating in the non-profit sector.  My big factor is not money, it’s feeling fufilled.  Also Starting in 2007 I am going to make a habit of going out of the country once a year and making one in house (United States) travel.

Christmas Survey

Hot Chocolate or apple cider?  Apple cider.  Usually apples make me gag, but I love apple cider. 

Turkey or Ham? Ham, with a glaze.
 

Do you get a Fake or Real you cut it yourself Christmas tree? Right now we have a fake Christmas tree, but when I have kids I would love to have at least one Christmas with a real tree. Decorations on the outside of your house? No, too much time.  I love looking at the decorations on other peoples’ houses, but I am too lazy to put them up on my own.

Snowball fights or sledding? I would love to go snow sledding.

Do you enjoy going downtown shopping? No one goes downtown for sales.  Correction in
Atlanta. Cobb County has nice discounts. 

Favorite Christmas song? The bell song.  Loves it.

How do you feel about Christmas movies? I have two favorites.  “The Grinch that Stole Christmas” the cartoon version.  My favorite quote was, “and the Grinch’s heart grew three times that day.”  My second is “The Santa Clause”. 

When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music? Before Thanksgiving. 

Stockings before or after presents? Before.  You can do stockings Christmas Eve.

Carollers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them? Depends on if they can sing.

Go to someone else’s house or they come to you? They come.

Do you read the Christmas Story? NO.  I should though.

What do you do after presents and dinner? Go home.  Typically I am at my grandparents house, so we leave to go back home Christmas Day. 

What is your favorite holiday smell? Egg nog and now sugar cookies.

Ice skating or walking around the mall? Walking around the mall.

Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas day? Wait until the day of Christmas.

Favorite part about winter? It’s cold

Ever been kissed under mistletoe? No… and probably never will.  Maybe I will sucker my future husband to do it.

Ashamed

I think I have almost lost a friend because I talk to much.  I will not go into details, but it involved a couple of texts to the wrong person.  Yes, I am in the hall of shame.  I did not say things that I would not say to this person, but still it was a train wreck.  Now he probably thinks I am trash and he was really hurt by the fact that me and another friend was talking about him.  When I saw how hurt he was it really put me in the hole.  Because I never ever want to hurt him.  He was like a brother to me and it just hurt to see him hurt.  I am so sorry and I know it will take time to rebuild our friendship.  I think our friendship is worth it.

Grateful

In the spirit of thanksgiving I am compiling a list of things that I am grateful for.  (in no particular order)

• To be alive.
• To do work that makes a difference in the world. (I do HIV testing).
• For opportunities.
• And non spurious events that lead to them being spurious
• My friends
• My family (Some are considered friends and family)
• My artistic ability heightening
• For me maturing quicker than I expected
• Chococat (Hello Kitty’s friend)
• The stuffed chicken (Hubert) I cooked for the staff
• Finally learning how to drive at 23 years old
• Graduating school
• Not compromising any major beliefs
• Gel pens (My planner is filled with over 75 different colors of gel pen)
• Giving myself room to grow.
• The food that I do have
• My weight (because some people don’t have enough food to eat let alone put on weight)
• Non judgmental people (it took me a long time to not judge and I look throught the eyes of these people and it helped me)
• Not being in the box
• Dreams (sometimes they are all I have)
• Purpose

Confidence

To day I decided that I want to be confident.  Yes, confident.  In the past I was anything but confident.  But today I decided I will be confident.  That I am pretty, smart, talented, and charming.  All those things make me sexy.  Sizzle.    Ways in which I was confident today: 

1)    I curled my own hair (gasp) and it actually looked good.

2)    I picked up the water to put into the cooler at the office.  A male co worker was standing a few feet away from me, but I wanted to put it in.  I was confident enough to get the water into the container and a tad on me. 3)    I have decided to apply for the prevention specialist coordinator position if they decide they want one.

4)    I joked around with professionals from other fields.  I joked around about politics and culture.  It was nice and relaxing.  

I was going to write about these small wins, put they are not small.  These are great wins.  Last night is when I truly decided the whole confidence deal.  I went and got my sketch book, I drew like I have never drawn before.  My sketches were detailed and they were great.  Loved it.  This is only the beginning. 

You Are a Visionary Soul

A person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You are a curious person.  Yes.  I get into all types of adventures being curious.

, always in a state of awareness. I am always looking to become more aware of myself and others.  I do not think I was aware of others in high school, which made me socially awkward.  Something that I am still getting out of today. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.  I try to stay connected to my soul.  You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.  This is all true. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. Also so true.  I do tend to be a tad melancholy.  You have great vision and can be very insightful. I am insightful and I do have a vision for everything.  I just think that it gets lost in translation; from my mind to my mouth to the person I am trying to communicate with.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. I do things that I do not think I can do all the time.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You’re laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You’re open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

I think I beginning to be more straightforward, because beating around the bush takes up too much time and effort.  So I like to get to the point.  The world is not going to wait for you, be honest. I do however keep a lot of things inside, which is a weakness I have.  Nothing is going to get solved with me holding on to stuff.

           

            I am not laid back or chilled, I am uptight.  Hello.  I need to become younger and freer.  I do care about what others think about me, hence the tension.  I do not want to be seen as a bad person or someone who is slow.  I was labeled delinquent as a child and all I wanted was attention.  Soon after I realized my parents did not care I changed.  I become Miss pro-school.  Also I was labeled slow, because I did not pick things up right away in elementary school.  I just think I was very introverted and learned differently.  They couldn’t catch up with me.  Einstein did not learn how to speak until he was five.  Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team.

 

            I am open to new people and new things, because I believe the things that you are familiar with was once new.

 

            I do not have one big dream.  I have several small ones. J

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

This Weekend

Everything is going fine.  Here is my run down on the past weekend, including Friday.

• Friday our Department of Health Education and Prevention Manager quit.  He will be missed.  Okay I have problems with letting things and people go.  I still feel I had a lot to learn, but obviously I don’t.  I think people are put into people’s lives for a reason and for some reason ours was meant to end.  Sometimes it’s not meant for us to know why?
• Saturday:  Both events I had to attend were cancelled.  I missed my hair appointment; my hair is now a hot mess.  My sexy factor dropped into the negatives.  I am going to cook a chicken stuffed with stuffing for our office potluck.
• Sunday:  Went to the mall with some friends.  It was cool, but something was missing.  Something is always missing.  I set myself up for failure, because I expect some grandiose ‘thing’. The ‘thing’ usually turns out to be crepe paper and streamers.  I am too young to think like this.  I have always been mature in thought and spirit.

I feel that I am looking for happiness, but happiness is within me.  Happiness is not within a thing or a person.  It starts right here, logically I know this, but I don’t feel this way.  I feel like I am tortured.  I am not a martyr or a victim.

 

This weekend I got some new movies from Blockbuster online.  D.E.B.S was one.  And the movie sucked, on a one to ten scale it rates like a three.  The thing that drew me to watch it four times (not in its entirety) was Jordana Brewster, who plays Ruby Diamond, a world dominator.  I was drawn to the character because she was sexy, sultry, and confidant.  It was not the actress, because she made me sick in the Fast and the Furious.  It was the character.  Does her lesbianism make her more powerful?  I don’t know.   The thing is I liked the sexiness, sultriness, and the confidence.  I feel that I am none of those things.   I want a guy to chase me.  Yes, I know wishful thinking.  It’s sort of like the Prince Charming thing.  The likely hood of me getting saved by a man is slim to none.  So I have to put myself out there and be more confidence.  I don’t want to.  A battle within myself I guess.

WEIGHT LOSS SUCCESS 

Current Weight: 241 lbs Goal Weight: 160 lbs81 pounds to go!!!!

This week weight loss goal is 5lbs 

Goals until the end of the year are: 

1)     replace soda with water

2)     do cardio 3 days a week

3)     cut portions 4)     eat more vegetables

5)     walk for thirty minutes a day

What kind of Chocolate are you?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment… even those from long ago.