Scattered . . .

This is a list of things that are on my mind right now.  In no particular order.

1. Funeral.  I do not know how I am going to react this Friday at the funeral.  I am trying to be strong.  I still do not think I grasp that she is gone and not going to come back.
2. Moving Out.  I make enough money to move out on my own, without a roommate.  I want to wait though, because I am applying to graduate school.
3. Graduate School. I hope I get accepted for the spring semester.  I hope I get accepted period.  I want to move and get my education.
4. SEX.  Yes I know I do not need sex, but I want it.  It’s been since June 2005.  Yes, I know.  But not casual sex, something meaningful with a man that I love.
5. Friendships.  Old and new.  It is lingering on my mind.  I see old patterns emerging.  This month I think I took two steps back.  I will be alright though.
6. Money.  Eliminating debt.  And building a financial portfolio.
7. Work.  I am not performing at the best of my abilities.  Hello I am writing this blog.  My coordinator is standing talking to someone in the other cubical.  I have gone mental.
8. Harry Potter.  The movie and the last books come up this summer.  And I have rented the books on CDs.
9. Mess.  My car and room are messy.
10. Lunch.  What am I going to eat for lunch today?  T is going to Subway.  I want something fast and quick.  Not to mention I do not want to be bother with too many people. 

“Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh.”

Over the Memorial break I have been tried and convicted of (gasp) being negative.  Which is crazy, because over the past year and some months I have been trying to be positive.  And I have a minor conviction of being a hater. :( 

• My mother asked me if one of my friends were going to marry her long time boyfriend, I was like I hope not.  I went on the explain how I do not think they are not at the place for marriage and how they need to grow more.  My mother was like they can grow together.  I told her he was a nice guy, but I still hold to believe that they should not be getting married.  Honestly I think my friend needs to find herself and live.  I do not think she can do that type of growing in a relationship as deep as marriage.  My mother branded me a HATER.  As if.
• While in Savannah my Aunt said she had not seen me smile since I broke up with my ex.  (just under 2 years)  She said that is the only time I seemed to have a contagious smile and had been happy. 
• One of my dear friends suggested we go out and get drunk, because he wanted to see me smile.  I don’t genuinely smile?

So I am starting to being Positiveback.  Yes.

Here are some things that I am doing to boost my positivity rate.

• Practive positive thinking
• Eject negative self talk
• positive visualization

If all else fails professional counseling.

Life is short.  You have to enjoy al the moments that you have.  With that said, another one of my friends died.  She was very dear to me and gave me a lot of encouragement.  She never lead me the wrong way and always called me on my stuff.  It’s hard to believe she is gone, I do not think it has hit me yet.  She was one of the most strongest women I have ever met.  I head her funeral will not be until next Friday, because she has family coming in from Ghana.  My prayers go out to her daughter and family.  Anyone who has never met her, truly missed out on a wonderful person.  She has a beautiful spirit and lively personality.  She will be missed by me and countless others.

Sunday was spent listening to Harry Potter Book 6 and looking through magazines.  It was good.  Here are my random notes, thoughts, and questions from Sunday.

• How happy are you with your body right now?  I am not.  My body is acting crazy on me.  I have to loss some weight, now it’s doctors orders.  A massive amount by August, okay maybe something around 15 pounds.  Weight is hard to loss.
• Should smokers have to pay more health insurance?  Yes. 
• Get a Life. I feel I am concentrating on celebrities and friend’s lives more than mine.  In the future I will be minding more of my own business.
• Marquerite Sauvage.  I love her illustrations, she gives me hope and inspiration for my own artwork. 
• Jovovich-Hawk.  I love the clothes.  They are free, flowing, and girlie.
• Did you rock someone’s world?  I would hope so, it would be a blow to the ego if I did not. 
• What woman inspires you the most?  Many women inspire me, both real and fictional.
• What’s the most heroic thing you have done? Stood up for what I believe in.
• Stuff for an empty apartment
• Putting on parties
• Savannah. working on my art work, sipping cool drinks, and being stretched out on a towel
• Purchasing my Hufflepuff tie
• I want to look . . .  stylish @ any size, chic for work, sexy at night, pretty on weekends, gorgeous all the time! (from Glamour Magazine)
• What’s your drink?  right now slushies (watermelon)  
• Who’s your style icon? Drew Barrymore
• Things to Draw: stuff I need for my apartment, all my shoes, 10 things from a catalog
• Tiffany & Co.
• www.samsungmobileusa.com/u740  This phone will be mine by the end of the summer.  I am excited about it.

This is a list of things I want my summer to be about:

• Harry Potter (I am planning a party with a really good friend.  We are so excited.)
• Kickball (Not only will I be referring this summer, I am also going to be on a team. I need to increase my actvity)
• Going out (parties, clubs and other social events I am not turning down any invites)
• Salads (yes I know, but my doctor is putting fire to my bum about losing weight.  This will hence forth known as the summer of salads)
• Dating (I am going to date this summer.  I have been open to dating, but I have not had a date.  This summer I am going on a date)
• Sketching (What season isn’t about sketching?)
• Good reads
• Giving up the television (3 hours a day max)
• Moving up (Applying to graduate school and saving money)
• Confidence (More to come)

1. Favorite Harry Potter movie- Prisoner of Azkaban

2. Favorite Harry Potter book- Goblet of Fire, it had everything in it.

3. Least favorite Harry Potter movie- Goblet of Fire

4. Least favorite Harry Potter book- Chamber of Secrets.

5. Favorite Harry Potter Character- It would have to be Harry Potter, I just think he is too interesting.  She really does good character development.  Rowling let Harry take on a life of himself.

6. Least favorite Harry Potter Character- Malfoy

7. Spell, Charm or Hex you most wish you had the ability to perform- Charm

8. Reason for desiring to perform said Spell, Charm or Hex- Because hexes are mean and I am not quick enough to perform a spell

9. If I were in Hogwarts, my house would be- Hufflepuff, because they are underrated and I did get sorted.

10. If I played Quiddich, my position would be- I wouldn’t.  I am afraid of heights

11. My favorite Hogwarts subject would be- Potions

12. After graduating Hogwarts, my magic profession would be- I’d work at ministry doing something

13. Harry Potter character you would most like to snog- No one. blush

14. Magical creature you would keep as a pet- monkey 

15. Favorite method of magical transportation- broom

16. Make up a spell, complete with name and function- Smarticus.  You could intone it over a book and suddenly know everything in it.  So…yeah, I’m a nerd.

.

17.. If God could do magic, would he be better than Dumbledore?-  Maybe

18. I have read all (so far) 6 Harry Potter books- True

19.. I have pre-ordered book 7- True

20. I have re-read all (so far) 6 Harry Potter books- I can’t.  I cannot reread the first three,  I have reread the Goblet of Fire.

21. I own all the Harry Potter DVDs- yes

I just have some random thoughts.  MPH?  Low GPA.  Alumini Assoication?  What should I do?  Everyday is suppose to be a new day with no mistakes in it.  Why can I not forgive myself for some things?  Why can’t I just let somethings go?  Why most food be a pacifer?  What else can I do?  I am going to walk today before I retire to watching Heroes.

1. Introduce yourself…
Tashya.

2. It’s Wednesday at noon, where are you usually?
At work.

3. What kind of laundry detergent do you use?
All Liquid

4. What brand of shampoo is in your shower right now?
Pantene

5. Did you ever get into a bar and drink before you were 21?
No.  I never thought about drinking when I was younger.

6. What countries have you been to?
Gremany

7. Do you watch MTV anymore?
Yes.  I love The Hills.

8. What do you think about Oprah?
Overrated!!!!!!

9. What color are your bed sheets?
Sparkling white.

10. You need a new pair of jeans: what store do you go to first?
Dots

11. Did you ever watch The O.C.?
Yes.  Season 1 and 1/2 of season 2. 

12. What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Sentra GXE

13. Honestly, is that car insured?
Yes.  Allstate.  Even though I don’t like them.

14. Do you like sushi?
YES

15. Have you ever been to Tiffany & Co. or Saks 5th Ave?
Yes, but the real question is have I ever bought anything from it.

16. Did your parents spoil you growing up?
NO comment.

17. Do you like roller coasters?
Yes.  The faster and the higher the better.

18. What magazine(s) do you buy regularly or subscribe to?
Seventeen (yes, I know), Elle, US Weekly, Jewel, Essence, Vibe Vixen, CosmoGirl, and Glamour. 

19. Do you remember the WB show “Popular”?
Yes, I only watched three episodes.

20. When you go out do you prefer to go to a dance club or to a bar?
dance club, because they usually have a bar.

21. What do you think about gay marriage?
It should exist.  Hey two consisenting adults, let them do what they want.  Who are we to judge?

22. Who do you think will be the next president?
I am turn between two democratic running mates.  Regardless either one would not disappoint me.

23. Are you registered to vote?
Yes

24. Do you own an iPod?
NO.  I might however get an MP3 player.

25. Is your bathroom filled with beauty stuff?
Yes.  I am a product fanatic.  I have tons of perfume, lotion, toothpaste, mouthwash, creams, screens, makeup, soaps, etc.

26. What do you normally smell like?
Perfume

27. Do you like Carrie Underwood?
Who?

28. Been to “The Vegas”?
No.  But I want to go.  I am going to drag my friends, because I have to play poker soon.

29. How far away do you live from your parents?
I don’t.  But I am moving before the year is out, yeah!!!!

30. Are you happy with your job?
huh

31. Where do you work and what do you do there?
I work for National AIDS Education and Services for Minorites and I do HIV Prevention Counseling, Testing, and Referrals.

32. What did you get in the mail today?
Nothing yet.

33. How do you like your steak cooked?
medium rare.

34. Britney Spears…ready to have a nervous break down or just having fun?
She’s gone.

35. What do you usually order at Taco Bell?
2 nacho chulpas

36. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind?
No.  I have never tried either.

37. Have you ever been to Mt Rushmore?
No. No desire to go either.

38. Is it just me, or was The Marine (w/John Cena) a really horrible movie?
Haven’t seen it.

39. Are surveys like the cocaine of myspace?
Yeah.

40. Where is your favorite place (that you have actually been to)?
San Antonio, Texas

41. What is your favorite candle scent?
Anything backed goods smell

42. Do you believe places can really be haunted?
Yes

43. Do you smoke cigarettes?
No

44. Have you ever been to NYC or LA?
NO.  But I will have to go, because there are two must haves.

45. How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport?
2

46. Do you think 50 questions is enough?
NEVAH

47. Are you currently planning a trip?
Yes, Savannah.  Myrtle Beach, NYC, and/or Vegas this summer.

48. Is Ryan Seacrest gay?
who cares

49. Do you take anti-depressants? Sleeping pills?
NO

50. What do you think about space travel?
Nasa