Scattered . . .

I have to say that I am very proud of myself today. Even though I did not get any sleep last night I got a lot accomplished. I cleaned under my bed, which was scary. Now all that lays there is a bin with DVD covers . I fixed ten breakfast burritos, which I froze. I am enjoying the book that I am reading (Eat Pray Love By Elizabeth Gilbert). I also washed the dishes. And I made it to work forty five minutes early. My intention today is optimism. It came to me as I was thinking of whether to write this blog or not. I like optimism. I want to reclaim it, getting older made it vanish.

Act as if it were impossible to fail.
~Dorothy Broude

Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.
~ Robert H. Schuller

Light tomorrow with today.
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

This word describes work right now. I am far from employee of the month, but I am far from being fired too. It’s madness here. And to make matters worse my hair is chaotic. My clients are stressing me out!!!! I trully am stressing myself out over the clients. I want to help so much it hurts. But my clients need a little self empowerment and I need to disconnect the cord. I also need to disconnect the cord to me and this chaos at work. Other people are ill prepared and it is causing problems with me being prepared. I work tonight and I do not even know what time I am suppose to start working tonight. I just don’t know. He ignores me every time I ask when I am leaving the office to go off site. I am trully at the high point. I need a watermelon martini or something. The hotel better not have a bar, because then I will be taking a much needed drink. Yeah whatever, I know I cannot drink on the job. But believe me I need a drink. How do you work with a micromanager who isn’t organized?

Without chaos, there is no form. Without clouds, no clarity. - Erica Jong

The artful denial of a problem will not produce conviction: on the contrary, a wider and higher consciousness is required to give us the certainty and clarity we need. - Carl G. Jung

Clarity is the counterbalance of profound thoughts. - Marquis De Vauvenargues

I am so praying for clarity right now. Clarity for where I want to go and how I am going to get there. Clarity on work and my personal relationships with others.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time this weekend and I cannot believe I have never seen this movie. I am so Holly Golightly!!! Well, I am not a call girl or I don’t deliver “weather reports” from mob bosses but I still feel like we are similar. The funny thing is now that I have seen the movie I recognize so many references to the movie. I think it’s great. Back to me being like Miss Golightly. She is looking for herself the whole movie and all she basically has to do it be herself. Yes, I also make-up names for people though if a cute guy lived near me I would not call him by my brother’s name. She wanted to be fabulous and electic,, but she didn’t realize she was already all of that. Yes, not to myself I got it. Over all I love this movie!!!

These are notes from my life right now:

career searching

job searching

eating healthier

getting out more

giving myself credit (5 things every night)

enjoying my co workers

“The Joy of Doing Things Badly” By Veronica Chambers

worried about past friendships

Not having an intention of the day

trying to find a book that had romance and adventure (suggestions welcome)

50 pack of gel pens

trying to figure out my schedule

Don’t we all deserve a little romance every now and then. I want someone to romance me. I think I have said this time and time again. I do not think I have high standards!! I guess you guys be the judge.

He has to . . .

be nice to me and other people

be smart

be kind

be strong (mentally)

taller than me (I’m 5′4″)

Has a car

Has a job

Toda I am trying to go with the flow.  Tommorrow I am going to see the Nanny Diaries with a really good friend of mine.  Yeah!!!!

Today my intention is being blessed.

Ten Movies You’d Watch Over and Over
10. The Wedding Date
9. Sabrina (1995)
8. Anne of Avonlea
7. The Princess Diaries
6. Legally Blonde
5. Celeste in the City
4. Desperado
3. Breakfast at Tiffany’s
2. High School Musical
1. Lilo and Stitch

Nine people you enjoy the company of:
9. TBW
8. HJR
7. MB
6. my mother (slowly but surely)
5. my cubicle neighbor
4. myself
3. jay (even though we r still silent toward each other)
2. my godson
1. fictional characters from great books

Eight things you’re wearing:
8. jeans
7. button down shirt
6. puzzled expression
5. crocs
4. black trouser sock
3. hot pink underwear
2. hair flips
1. an expensive bra

Seven things on your mind:
7. graduate school
6. moving out
5. career change
4. job change
3. eating
2. why is my boss being so nice
1. what next

Six objects you touch every day:
6. my journal
5. my water bottle
4. my messenger bag
3. my pillow
2. gel pens
1. my magazines

Five things you do every day:

5. write in my journal
4. grooming
3. get on my laptop
2. search the internet
1. talk to a friend

Four bands (etc) that you couldn’t live without:
4. Maroon 5
3. Nsync
2. The Spice Girls
1. Destiny’s Child

Three of your favorite songs at this moment:
3. “Girlfriend”
2. “Say it Right”
1. “Glamorous”

Two people who have influenced your life the most:
2. my mother
1. every person that I have ever talked to

One person who you love more than anyone in the world:
I refuse to say. (blush)

These are questions that I have right now.

What am I suppose to do with my life?

Should I search for another job?

Am I hypersensitive?

Why is enough never enough?

Will I ever have kids?

Will I ever date?

Will I ever have sex again?

Will I ever give up being uptight?

Am I a perfectionist?