This Is Me Now

This me now.  I’m a gangsta. lol, who am I kidding I have always thought of myself as a gangsta.  It’s just now I have the wounds from life.

Age: 37 last time I posted I was 32.

Living arrangements:  Alone in a 600 sq apartment 40 minutes outside Atlanta.  Close to six flags and a couple of exits from Alabama.

Work: Case Manager. This job is one of the jobs I have gained the most skills from.  I’ve been broken at this job and mended through this job.

Love Life:  nonexistence.  Trying to find the one of the ones who will love me for me and I would love him for him.  I know they out there.  I just need one to find me.  I’m lovable yet messy.

Kids:  A baby that’s in heaven.

30 Things I want within the Next Year


  1. my own space
  2. creativity/creating
  3. journaling
  4. confidence
  5. boldness
  6. reading
  7. love
  8. dating
  9. heroism
  10. money
  11. brunch
  12. cooking at home
  13. freetime
  14. cruising
  15. action
  16. pink
  17. gratituderoom
  18. exercise
  19. whole30
  20. blogging
  21. branding
  22. silence
  23. spirituality
  24. serving
  25. stationary
  26. laughing
  27. initiation
  28. intent
  29. writing letters
  30. planning


  • My BFF wants to have a Friendship Party.  Which wouldn’t be as depressing if I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband.  It just makes me sad.  No one can be harder on me than I am on myself.  I feel a nudge to get a man to meet people’s expectations.  I just don’t want to hear it.  And this friendship party reminds me that I am alone and I only have my friends.
  • People just feel like they can insert their opinions on my life.  I don’t need anyone’s opinion on what I eat or how to meet a man or anything.
  • I’m drained.  I just need time by myself.  Everything is draining.  Maybe I just need time off because I feel overwhelmed by everything.

Right NOW 6/24/2013

  • Slept until 1:48pm.  Can you say tired.
  • Looking forward to the book club meeting tonight.  Really looking forward to it.  Pizza, wine, and a great book.
  • Rice a roni. My bestie has tried to get me to make it for years.  I loved it.
  • Over the heat.  Fall where are you.
  • Looking forward to my after summer vacation.  Might have to take a mini vacation before then though.
  • Whiskey stones.  Interesting but can they come in another color.
  • Looking to make more money to do more things.


I’m tired of having issues.  My mother just said something snarky to me and I flew off the handle.  We are talking waterworks.  I’ve been sad the past two days.  Nothing but feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful for what I have.  My mother lets me live with her and there are people out there who don’t even have mothers.

Sometimes I feel like I am in her way, but I know that most the time people are in their own ways.  I would never blame anyone but myself for my own failures, but i think sometimes she blames me for hers.  Maybe I am a failure of hers.  Who knows.   Man I am truly narcissistic, what if it’s not even about me.  Talk about having a Cher moment (from Clueless).

She’s getting her roof redone which means no vacations anytime soon.  And my mom has the most vacation time than anyone I know.  That might be a bummer for her.  Who knows.  Maybe she just didn’t want to be bothered or had a lot on her mind.

What’s On Your . . .

Vanity: don’t own one

Perennial to do list: deep clean room, clean bathroom, get another job

Refrigerator sleeves:  brown eggs, creamer

Itinerary: going to my brother’s high school graduation, having a lot of time off

Fantasy Itinerary: Paris, London, Milan, another cruise

Playlist: Don’t have one.  I listen to the radio

Nightstand: My iphone 5 charger, scissors

Workout plan: yeah, no

Iphone: Bedazzled, feedly

Top 5 list: contentment, moving forward, traveling, saving, living

Bucket list: traveling, writing, paying off debt

Blogroll: elisejoy, ode to joy



With great power comes great responsibility.  The super-center promoted me to a supervisor.  It’s more money which takes a little bit of weight off my shoulders but it’s a lot more responsibility.  I’m not going to lie, I feel like I am making mistakes at every turn.

But my faith is holding strong.  I can get through it.  I have a good set of people in front and behind me.


First 2013 can’t be like the past five years of my life.  I refuse to live in fear and enslaved in it. I’m going to be different.  Because if you want different outcomes then you have to do different things.