My BFF wants to have a Friendship Party. Which wouldn’t be as depressing if I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband. It just makes me sad. No one can be harder on me than I am on myself. I feel a nudge to get a man to meet people’s expectations. I just don’t want to hear it. And this friendship party reminds me that I am alone and I only have my friends.
People just feel like they can insert their opinions on my life. I don’t need anyone’s opinion on what I eat or how to meet a man or anything.
I’m drained. I just need time by myself. Everything is draining. Maybe I just need time off because I feel overwhelmed by everything.
I’m tired of having issues. My mother just said something snarky to me and I flew off the handle. We are talking waterworks. I’ve been sad the past two days. Nothing but feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful for what I have. My mother lets me live with her and there are people out there who don’t even have mothers.
Sometimes I feel like I am in her way, but I know that most the time people are in their own ways. I would never blame anyone but myself for my own failures, but i think sometimes she blames me for hers. Maybe I am a failure of hers. Who knows. Man I am truly narcissistic, what if it’s not even about me. Talk about having a Cher moment (from Clueless).
She’s getting her roof redone which means no vacations anytime soon. And my mom has the most vacation time than anyone I know. That might be a bummer for her. Who knows. Maybe she just didn’t want to be bothered or had a lot on her mind.
With great power comes great responsibility. The super-center promoted me to a supervisor. It’s more money which takes a little bit of weight off my shoulders but it’s a lot more responsibility. I’m not going to lie, I feel like I am making mistakes at every turn.
But my faith is holding strong. I can get through it. I have a good set of people in front and behind me.
First 2013 can’t be like the past five years of my life. I refuse to live in fear and enslaved in it. I’m going to be different. Because if you want different outcomes then you have to do different things.