Here is advice that a co worker emailed me.
OK well here’s how I see it: First, I think it’s important to explore the reasons why you say that you are in love with him. What are the main reasons and elaborate on them also. Honestly, I think the bulk of the reasons why you do say that is stemming from him really being one of the only men you’ve been around in the past couple of years and that he’s really been there for you through some rough patches. Second, state and EMBRACE the obvious: 1) He’s gay and he’s not attracted to women. While you may find him looking at some girl from time to time and he may even pay her a compliment or two, bottom line is, he’s just not into women in that way. 2) By continuing to “love” him as you say, YOU are the one who’s hurting. There’s a Bible verse that comes to mind that talks about love…1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (it’s below) Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (NRSV, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8) OK so you may wonder why I got all religious…well a couple of reasons. To me, I notice in this scripture the part where it says “love rejoices in the TRUTH.” A lot of times, people get sooo caught up in their own thoughts that they neglect to see or turn their eyes from the truth…what’s REALLY going on in their relationships. In your case, the TRUTH is that he’s gay and is not gonna change. This has NOTHING to do with you personally, it just is what it is. Also, in the beginning of the passage, the author says, “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.” In other words, love does not hurt or do things to hurt you. Let’s further look at your “love” for him: YOU are obviously hurting in some manner as a result. Love is supposed to feel good. When you love someone, you feel warm and fuzzy inside not as though something is wrong with you. Let’s take a battered woman for example: she “loves” her man but he beats the crap outta her. SHE is hurting. I feel like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship in which your happiness is impeded b/c of someone else…even if it may not be his fault directly. In order to truly get over this, I believe that you are gonna have to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I deserve to love and be loved by someone who will love me back. Someone who I don’t have to compete with others for his attention and affection. Someone who looks at me and only me.” But the key to that is YOU have to BELIEVE it!! It’s impossible to TRULY love someone if you don’t first love yourself. Ask yourself, “What is it about me that made me fall in love with someone intangible?” Is it that you are afraid of being rejected and this is a “safe” choice? Is it that you see qualities in that person that you’d like to find in your potential mate? It probably wouldn’t hurt to put a limit on how often you hang out with him until you can put a finger on the issue. You say you are ready to meet straight men…well one thing’s for sure: you are NOT gonna find one hanging out with a bunch of gay guys LOL!! Hope this helps but here’s something to remember about love: Love is a two-way street. When you see that you are on a wrong way traveling the wrong direction, but a U-turn b/c you are not on Love…you need to pull over and ask for directions!! In other words, you can’t find love in a person who doesn’t love you back…only heartache will come of that!!