How to get over a gay guy?

I would like to start off with, please let me email me tips and suggestions because I really am in a bind.

I am head over heels for this guy.  He is my friend, a really good friend.  He has seen me past my prime.  And I love him, even his mistakes and blemishes.  I love him.  I know nothing can happen between us, but damn I want it to.  Which I need to  get over.  Every time I think feelings are gone, they come back stronger.  A co worker of mine seem to think it’s because I’m in need of some bump and grind.  Hell, I don’t know what it is.  I use to daydream about this person and stop myself because I thought yuck he’s like a brother to me.  Now I don’t stop myself I let the fantasy continue. 

Yes I know he knows how I feel about him.  Anytime I like someone I become a 12 year old school girl, but at twelve I think I was more poised.  I get all dreamy eyed and latch on to the man’s every word.  I adore him.  Funny thing is, I don’t put him above the clouds.  I know he’s not perfect and I accept that.  I live for ways to make him bigger than life, but there aren’t any. I love him, for him.  Even if there was a straight guy out there with the same qualities as him they wouldn’t be him.  Only he could be him.

Sometimes I think that’s it, because I already know the out come of him and me.  There is none!!!!  He is not for me.  We look at the same guys for goodness sake.

 As I stated at beginning, suggestions and advice please.


76 responses to “How to get over a gay guy?

  1. I feel the same way. And I have no idea what to do.

  2. God. Im still trying to get over my gay guy. Thing is, i told him how i felt. and he cried. i guess he felt the same way but it was just beyond him?

    anyway, no tips yet. Im not over him yet. Ill check back with you if i am

  3. i know what are you going through,there is a man i adore and i did tell him that through an email though and through my actions,he used to be my boss at my job,and when he left i started crying ,and gave him a ltlle book sign as a souvenir ,a heart engraved with the words ,,forever”.I am not over him yet,love him to death and i allways will with no hope and no regret,but i want so much to just give him a kiss,and feell him,he is a 100% though,and even though he makes me a lot of complimets,he is still gay ,and …still in my heart.I am not over him yet

  4. I totally understand how you feel.. I confessed to my best guy friend a couple of days ago and he said he can’t like me ’cause he’s not into girls.. He said if he was into girls he’d be into me but he just can’t. It sucks but oh well. I’m still madly in love with him and I can’t let go ’cause like..he’s pretty much perfect

  5. I know how you feel. My best guy friend told me he was gay about a year ago. I’ve liked him for a bit longer than that, and I still haven’t told him. Sorry, but I have no advice to give, as I still haven’t gotten over my problem either.

  6. This made me cry because this exact thing happened to me. I still love him, he said he liked me too and wanted a life together in the future but that it just won’t happen because he’s sexually attracted to guyz. I still can’t get over him, and it doesn’t help I work with him and, idk I just don’t know :,(

  7. i no just how you feel i dated a man for monthes and he turned out to be gay but it was too late im head over heels for him. Hes my best friend, but i want more, i need him and still cry over him every night untill i cant think straight. hes the only guy i need…ill let you know if i ever get over him…

  8. I can totally relate to everyone’s comments and am glad I found this page.

    There is this gay guy that I am close friends with who initially said he was bisexual. We have made out and “fooled around” a little but he admits he is really gay. And it hurts me a lot because we have talked on the phone practically every day for the past 7 months and I was starting to have feelings for him and then we fooled around. I feel like he was misleading me, but perhaps I was naiive and should have known he was really gay from the start

    I am really upset by this and was wondering if anyone else has been in the same experience but has successfully gotten over their love for their gay friend?

    • It’s nice to know I’m not the only person that fell in love with a gay guy. I hate it because I really, really liked this guy. I’m going to be cordial with him, but I’m going to keep my distance because you know what they say, Out of sight, out of mind. My advice to you all is to stay busy, get out there and meet other people because there’s someone out there for everyone it’s just a matter of finding them so keep fishing 🙂 may the power with you all!

    • Glad I found this site. Thank you all for your heartfelt comments. Some lessons in life are so hard to learn!_Please don’t do what I did and have a child by a man whom is self professed to be a gay man. In 1968, I thought it was just a phase that he was going through and that we’do always be best friends forever. Anyways, it’s 48 years later now and I cried again today, for a ghost. (Regrettably, he passed away several years ago.) His daughter was raised to love a Father whom she never met and I never got any closure about what happened to him. Please don’t be like me and waste your entire lifetime hoping he will come back to his first love, one day. Thanks for listening, my primary goal is to help others. Just don’t cheat yourself out of 48 years of life on a guy that doesn’t love you, not because you’re not worthy, but because you just don’t have the right body parts for him. So glad that 2016 is a much more liberated time than 1973, when I got pregnant with my former husband. Now, women aren’t estranged from their families simply because they choose to buck “Roe vrs. Wade” and to have their child./ I hope this comment helps other women whom think that they can make a gay man go straight. Been there, done that, and it’s not possible! Good luck and peace to everyone. Merry Christmas, 2016*

    • I have had this EXACT experience. I know that it’s five years later after you’ve posted this, but I just had a breakup with my best friend who I ended up dating for about 4 months. He was pretty obviously gay, but he never said directly. When we dated, we kissed and we also fooled around some. Now he says he’s been sexually attracted to guys this whole time. I’m still hurting of course, but I really just need to move on. I’m still trying to get out of love, and I hope that in the five years it’s taken me to post this, you have to.

  9. the exact same thing has happened to me. still no luck.

  10. Hi there
    I am a gay guy and girls do go for me all the time. I can understand because most gay guys are very comfortable and confident around girls because there is no sexual tension. I think it is a great thing, but one of the biggest problems is that we (all human beings) want what we can’t have. I know how it feels because a guy that I was dating told me that he just wants to be friends, right when I was thinking the same thing. Now I obsess about him, and feel like my life is meaningless. I meditate and exercise every day, mainly to stay on top of the obsessing. It’s been ten days now, and I am slowly getting over him.

    • aww.. Danny. You are so understanding. I fell in love with my friend and I feel so bad about being honest about it with him in order to overcome it. Cause.. I think he probably has experienced it a few times and it might disturb our friendship. 😦 😦

      But I still love him. Still look at his picture before going to bed and yea.

  11. ^ Interesting. I fell in love with this guy because we have so much in common, and it was the kind of similarities in terms of personality traits and values that quickly made me feel like he’s an extension of myself. I was initially attracted by how introverted and adorable he is. It’s kind of strange, because I knew I was attracted to both his masculine and feminine qualities. Before he told me he’s gay, I already noticed a few times that he would “slip” a stereotypical-gay gesture for a split second. But it didn’t bother me, since I’m actually quite androgynous myself. (When I was in high school there was a time when I even considered becoming a transman). We’re still friends, but I don’t know if I’ll ever meet another guy, or another human being, with whom I could feel so attached to. And the fact that I’m not attracted to women and that I don’t click with most straight guys (because of gender chemistry that’s just… wrong) makes me feel even more hopeless.

  12. some great points here thanks for sharing. My mate is really struggling to get over a dude. gonna tell him about this.

  13. ❤ Jim Parsons ❤ :'''(

  14. I just found out that my best friend who I’ve been in love with for nine months is gay. I told him that I liked him and he led me on. But nothing really happened. I was so confused when he told me but it all made sense. I found that talking to him about other guys makes it seem more real and makes me feel better. I know it’ll take time but I’m going to work on getting over him.

  15. All of you that gave comments here, i only want to ask… Have you succeed in get overing your lovely gay love? I was really glad to find this blog, realizing that i’m not alone and i’m not that stupid. Huhu.. I’ve been in love with him for about 2 years. I knew from the start that he is gay and i realized that i don’t wanna be with him (becos it would hurt me even harder if he pretended to be my guy!). But… I just can’t hide the feelings. *sigh* Help me!

  16. I fell for a guy 3 years ago…we met travelling, we then moved to the same city and fooled around together until I decided enough was enough. Months past and we were still seeing each other as friends when i realsied i was madly in love with him. Just as i was about to tell him, he tells me he’s gay. Although people tell me I had a narrow escape it does not help me feeling utterly stupid and still…1 year down the line from finding out he’s gay, still being madly in love with him. I did eventually tell him and he tells me that I did mean something to him. Problem being we are still really good mates and I will soon have to meet his new boyfriend as I want to still be part of his life. I’m really starting to think I may never get over him and it breaks my heart. sorry guys but I have no answer either but it is great to know i’m not alone.

  17. brokenhearted

    a very close friend of mine, has been gay the whole time i’ve known him, but i cant get over how perfect he is 😥 he’s the nicest guy i know, and it hurts me, physically hurts me inside, knowing that we can never be together… </3

  18. I feel for you soooooo bad.I m 18,hes 20.i ve been in love with him since I was 11 and we finally start talking ,texting and hanging out last year.He hadnt accept hes gay so I cant be 100% but some friends just read a gay message he had sent to somebody else.I really thought he liked me back so it was really heartbreaking for me to find out…I daydream all the time as well and I willing to give it a try!I mran you never know,they say its the person you fall for not the sex!I Have never been more hurt and i just cant get over him…wish with all my heart things could work for us..

  19. I cannot get over him because I’m still hoping that he could change. That he could still turn straight. But, girls, we cannot keep on hoping. It will never happen! He will never change! He’s gay! He chose to be!

  20. I’m so glad I’m not alone.

    I feel like I’m such a horrible person for this. He and I met two years ago, and we instantly became friends. As we grew closer, about six months later, he came out to me and told me he was gay. More months past and we became best friends. I depended on him for everything. Anyone who didn’t know that he was gay thought he was my boyfriend. In December of 2011, he mentioned something about almost kissing me when we were seeing a movie. I laughed it off. Later that night, we were cuddling, and I looked up at his face, and all I could think about was kissing him, That’s when I knew I had feelings for him.

    I hated myself for it. How could I be so stupid?! I KNEW he was gay!

    Months passed, and despite my protests, my little crush on him turned into love. One week after he was my date for my senior prom, I confessed. I was sick of feeling like I had to lie to him.

    He told me he knew for the longest time and that nothing would ruin our friendship.

    I still need him. I still get jealous. I still want to be loved by him. He’s the only one I want.

    It breaks my heart every single day.

  21. We are on the same boat. Yes t is painful. I tried it with other guys. I try to overcome him sometimes but he wants me to be there. I feel consumed by him but I was blind. its a great help not to see him

    • worst thing is that we kissed and made out 2 years ago. He is my first on these. I knew from the cery beginning what he is. I knew that he wants to be with same sex not me. Everytime we get drunk, it felt right. Everytime he is hurt, I have to stick around. I see him hugginh his boyfriend but my hopes are still up. How stupid can I be? I knew what to do everytime a guy sticks around; guys who are not perfect but served as a good distraction. I feel happy somehow that I date others but everytime I do that, he seems to dispute and oftentimes tell me I was wrong. I told him I love him twice but he cant give me a straight answer. He is afraid that someone will hurt me but he is also doing it. A guy came to my life, a straight one who opened me to the world of carnal pleasure. I am almost there in forgetting him but then he doesnt want me to go. He cant tell me straight but I can feel it. An advice girls? Probably is to love ourselves more. When I fell for him I thought that he is the center of the universe. But when I gained something that made me feel good about myself, Im starting to grt over. When I started to be A success of my own, he is again starting to come along. I might have considered it as a sign but now, its making me realize that after all my time invested and efforts too, the progress that he is doing is not good enough.

  22. I was seeing this guy my entire freshman year in college. I wasn’t just hooking up with him; he was also my best friend and we did everything together. When I went home for the summer, we never really addressed what was going to happen to us. I came back for sophomore year this year and he started acting differently. He wouldn’t call or text me anymore. At first I thought he was just being an asshole and I missed my best friend…but then one night he told me he was gay. I was the first person he ever told. So as hard as it was for me, I had to be there for him because he had no one else to go to. From then on, I’d start seeing him again everyday but we’d talk about his sexuality. I knew I couldn’t be here with him but I felt like he still looked at me like he did the year before. A few days went by and we finally talked about how I still had feelings for him. He cried because he told me he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me. We also said in a parallel universe, we are so happy together right now because we are perfect for each other. All my friends encouraged me to spend time away from him so I could get over him but I just couldn’t. I needed him just as badly as he needed me. He has started seeing a guy now and I’ve been hooking up with other guys but at the end of the day, he’s all I want. I don’t know what to do because I want to be able to look at him and not feel so hurt by him. I hate this.

  23. Is it really true love? Probably not, but it is a deep down soul love. Treasure that love for you have experienced just a taste of how wonderfully God loves us. Thank God for keeping you. For if that man is actively gay, he will never fully be with you. What would you do for fulfillment? You love that person so deeply and you may spend your whole life wondering if that man loves you back. Stop that…for God continues to love us even we do not love him back….so we,too, can love one way…it does not matter if they do or not…but you do matter. Do not resend that love, but treasure it….for you loved a person….keep them in your prayers!!!!

    I once loved a man that loved a man that loved a man that loved a man.
    How could I, a woman, love a man that loved a man that loved a man.
    Cause that man that loved a man that loved a man that loved a man may have once loved me.

    I still love that man that loves a man that loves a man that loves a man…

    Noticed I said may have once loved me…do you ever know if it was real….how can they express that love back…can they? So treasure your love, but let go and let God!!!!

    Expect more, want more, become more….most importantly seek Jesus….for that is the man you really seek.

  24. PS Forgive him, but most importantly forgive you. For you are not obsessed with him, your love for him is in the center of your being. When you let go and let God….it does not remove the love and its specialness…it just removes the control and consumption the love have over you.

    1 John 2:15-17
    15 Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions – is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

    Respectfully, my anonymous confession and declaration…

  25. Nesmutt

    • When I first met my love, his spirit radiated so much energy, he was like a pillar of strength that I lost myself in. Even when I was made aware of his sexuality, I thought he had so much self control that his sexuality would not present problem for us. He was a person that wanted to go with the flow and not be accountable to anyone no even himself…..and that is where I saw the risk…not his sexuality. Years later, I realized I loved this man just as much…and maybe he loved me on spiritual level…but his spirit seems so much less now and there is even less for me. He is a wonderful person that I was and am proud to love. I am so grateful for all that we shared. He is always welcome in my life… But I don’t think he know how to function when someone see him as he is. I don’t think he really see himself. I never saw him as a gay man…only as a man….only when he labeled himself that I could even acknowledge it. In that acknowledgement, I could understand and accept. I pray for him daily . He is a kind and giving person…and I pray that when his life encounter just a flicker of light that God is able to capture his soul. I think sometimes he settled into his life and tried to make best of….he is not gay but he knew of no other way! Will always be that voice inside my heart…

      The grace of God is what strengthens and encourages me….I would be a mess without Him.

  26. I fell for this amazing guy. We were in the main cast together for our high school’s spring musical. I was the only freshmen in the main cast, therefore, I didn’t know many people that well. But he came up to me on the first day and sat down right next to me. We talked the entire time and giggled and it was amazing. And we spent every rehearsal like that. And he was the only person who ever really talked to me. Slowly over the course of those four months, I fell for him. I knew from the first day he was gay, he told me, and it made him more intriguing to me. So everyday I would sit by myself at a different table from everyone else, because I was naturally shy and going over and sitting with people was really hard for me to do. But everyday he would grab me by the hand and drag me onto a seat, and he would sick right next to me, and we would hold hands together for as long as we could still smiling and laughing. And we would always hug and hold hands, laugh and lean on each other, cry and comfort, we were so close. And then on the opening night, right before the show I threw up and he was right there the entire time telling me I could do it, and then right before I went on we kissed. It was one of those beautiful lingering kisses and he smiled and lightly pushed me onto the stage smiling the entire time. And when the scene in the musical came p where we had to kiss, it was a different kiss from rehearsal, it was real. And things continued like that for all six shows, but the on closing night, after the show, I told him my feelings, and we cried for ours. He told me he loved me but we couldn’t ever be anything because he was gay. It’s been a year and I still love him. I don’t know what to do anymore…

  27. HighSchoolFirstLove

    This guy was my first love…we met freshman year, and dated for a month. We didn’t REALLY know each other then, in fact he was cheating on me with another girl. We stopped talking for a long time. I later became his best friend, and when I heard he was bisexual, I had a meltdown. Freshman year of high school, and he did everything “not painful” with three guys who were my friends. Yet, it didn’t stop my crush for him. We’ve become so close. But now my other best guy friend STOLE HIM AWAY FROM ME (for a whole year now!) and I don’t talk to him anymore. Now my crush is mad at me for trying to split them up (he knows everything about me) and he told me he doesn’t feel a connection to girls. He said this just yesterday. Now he’s mad, and I feel horrible, because he thinks I’m the bad guy! We were so close….I don’t know what to do.

  28. Read and re-read articles about toxic men. Not saying gay men are toxic, but for many of us that have been involved with a gay man, you find similarities and the articles may help you to re-think your relationship.

    Gay men involve themselves in relationships with women for a variety of reasons, from curiousity to self preservation (selfishness) to love. If that man is not actively trying to suppress his gayness …then he wants to be gay.

    What is there not to love about a gay man? They are the shell of a man with enough masculinity to satisfy physical needs and sensitivity and interest to satisfy emotionally and mental needs. The problem is they are not physically, emotionally, or mentally attracted to women. So you find yourself in a relationship trying desperately trying to hold on to someone that wants to be somewhere else.

    If you could have a life with any man in the world, think about the most ultimate man that is not gay. Do you deserve that man or do you think that man would be attractive to you? If not, try to change yourself to embody the characteristic of the ultimate man….then you will attract him.

    Gay men are wonderful people with character and soul; however, some gay men just can not function or exist in relationship with a woman. They will sometimes behave as toxic men, reflecting the negativity of female mate to deflect negavitiy from themselves.

    Everyone has the voice inside that tells them not to do something. However, after awhile you can tune that voice out and that voice may eventually die away. Some gay men may not have anything in them that can make them change. Only Jesus can reverse, restore, or renew their soul. Maybe your relationship is over….but pray for their soul.

    Finding out that my man was gay was no big deal, but finding out that he was not the person that he said he was…

  29. Although we each may say we had the most sensual, loving relationship with a man that happens to be gay, that man is probably saying his relationship with another man is ten times more.

    Maybe in the end we only wanted to know that what we shared was equally as real and meaningful. To know that we were a special part of their life. Unfortunately, some may behavior toxically and cause you to question everything.

    The way I cope is by seeing it this way… My true love and I exist in two different worlds. One day our worlds collided and we shared something beautiful. Through life’s rotations and what not our worlds parted. I would be lying if I said I wish our world would not collide again. However, if our world collide again…we may or may hit at the right spot.

    So for now, I am just so grateful. I am grateful that through all the pain and deception, I can still see a beautiful, kind person that was given a different set of cards and is playing a different game. I will love that person always and they will always be a meaningful part of my life. And most importantly I trust God to fulfill and sustain me.

  30. One of Joyce Meyer’s sermons helped me understand why relationships fail. We do not share or align our visions and sometimes go in different directions, like growing apart. My love and I shared visions about the home we would like to live in and about our lifestyle . However, we never shared a vision of how we would express love toward each other…maybe we assumed our love implied that. Unfortunately, it did not. Our shared visions did in term shape and define my life and I realize I would not have had my goals and aspirations had he not been infused in my life. Amen.

    As I look a my other troubled or failed relationships, I realize that I did not share or align visions with the other parties and I sometimes behaved toxically as I was in situation that was not according to my independent vision.

    I think God for this relationship as I realized I loved this person unconditionally and I was able to see how must more God loved me. Losing someone that meant so much to me left me empty and hopeless, but it positioned me to seek Jesus and to surrender my soul to him. Is not that the Devine meaning of life. The greatest joy was seeing that I loved my guy’s soul and to know that God loves him and wants his soul…he has such a kind and good soul. That is our mission to find the lost.

    Please accept Jesus as your person Savior ladies and let him sustain you. For today, I can smile and treasure the wonderful memories and I thank God for the bad…as they got me to here…loving and seeking God!!!

    I read so much about gay, bisexual , DL ,etc…not to judge him…but hopefully to understand and support… But we both were so toxic when we were in non-vision aligned situations, that reading just went out to pasture. It’s wow…to see him …I see me…and to see me I see him. Both of us were some screwed up people…that may be why we did not work. To think we both are reading about spirituality…are we in sync or what. Lol!!!

    Now that I am out…I see a strong but hurt man. I love him and am truly sorry that we assumed so much.

    This is my last post….and I pray I help someone….cause this is indeed a painful ordeal to go through…but if you turn to Jesus, you can survive it beautifully. Align your visions with Jesus and you will have the right relationship with others…mothers, fathers, exes , children, and gay men.

  31. I am in love with my gay ballet teacher. At first when he came to my dance school I absolutely hated him, and then when we started talking I realised we had so much in common. I knew he was gay from the start and I thought I just had friendly feeling towards him however now I can’t get him off my mind. I am continuously fantasizing about what a life with him would be like but I know it could never happen. I just wished he was capable of loving me as much as I love him.

  32. I’ve really liked this guy for months. He was out as bisexual and I had no problem with that. For the past month or so everyone has thought we were together. A week and a half ago he told me likes me (I had told him I like him a couple of months ago). This morning he texted me and said “I’m gay. You deserve to know.” I texted him back to thank him for telling me and then he told me “I’m kinda trans too”. It turns out he/ she (said the pronoun doesn’t matter) has known they were trans for a while but thought they were also bisexual and just figured out that they don’t actually like girls. So not only do I have to deal with the fact that the person I really really like more than I’ve ever liked any else before (I won’t say love because I think I’m too young to know what that really feels like) who I thought I was going to end up dating really soon, doesn’t like girls, I have to try and see this person who is really ript, loves basketball, shaves their head and has a really deep voice and seems overall very masculine as a girl. I know the things I said are stereotypical, but still. I also can’t exactly distance myself for a couple of reasons: One, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who knows so I have to be there for… her (that feels really really really weird to say!!) but they are also basically my closest friend who I talk to about everything and I kind of need them. I need to talk to them and find out more stuff, but it’s going to be so awkward while I try to not be awkward. I can’t even think about it in my head without it being so weird. Even though they gave me a female name to use, I might just avoid names in general for a little while. I literally sat there for about 15 minutes saying to myself “this is so weird”. It’s not that I have a problem with trans people it’s just its one thing to think about it generally and another to find out the person you want to date identifies as the other gender. It also sucks that they don’t like girls because they are the first person who I really want to be with to seem like they felt the same and they make me feel so pretty and special and I can tell them anything and on top of that I am very attracted to them. It definitely sucks.

  33. I know this is a really old post, but it’s nice to read about people going through a similar situation as me. It makes me feel not entirely alone and wrong for feeling the way I do. I love my best friend so much. It’s pretty devastating. I’m hoping the universe has something pretty special in store for me because the situation couldn’t be more unfair to be in

  34. This happened to me too, but I FOUND A SOLUTION! (Or at least it’s working really well for me! It’s the best solution i’ve found yet, apart from reading blogs about other people’s similar stories… 😛 )
    **See solution at end of absurdly long message. Sorry, got carried away**

    I fell madly in love with the ‘man of my dreams’ (tall, handsome Scandinavian guy with an adorable accent) and was absolutely certain he loved me the same way, and so were all of my friends and many people in our classes because we acted “like a couple”. It started with him asking me on coffee dates, and we realized we had so much in common (basically perfect for each other <3) and he'd take me to museums and on these romantic dates, and when he was feeling sad or had some good news I was the one he'd call… Soon we were so close we told each other everything, and our relationship was just a kiss away from boyfriend-girlfriend. So then one night after spending the best 4 hours of my life wandering around the city just him and me in near-perfect-coupleness, I gathered up my courage and kissed him. And he looked at me speechless for a moment that felt like forever, and then he told me he didn't usually like girls in this way… and then after hesitating (probably afraid I'd react badly), told me he dated guys. I felt like I had been hit by a TRAIN. My dreams of him being 'the one' shriveled to crumbs and my life was one big void. I pretended to be alright as we said goodbye, but then I felt so faint I had to sit down on the steps of the train station bawling like a baby under my umbrella, all alone in the cold dark evil world. I cried nonstop all week, so much that by the end of the weekend I had given myself a sinus infection and couldn't take three steps without grabbing a tissue.
    I'll stop cus I could go on forever but basically we talked and now we are still best friends (because I just can't give all of him up, its already hard enough giving up what I thought we had between us) but it's still a bit difficult for me to get used to the fact that we can't be together.

    It's been over two month now, and on days when I'm a bit tired I still find myself crying over him and how I (selfishly) wish he liked girls. Although if he did maybe he wouldn't be the same person he is now… And I wouldn't want him to be any different after all. So then I'm torn between lots of feelings and I can't sort it out, and I start thinking I need to meet someone else for this pain to go away, but that I'll never meet another guy that I'll love as much as I love him because he's my favorite person in the entire world, and then I start thinking I'm a poor, lonely, sad girl with no hope

    ****AND THEN I READ THIS BOOK CALLED "EXCUSE ME, YOUR LIFE IS WAITING" BY LYNN GRABHORN. Just read it. It's about FEELING all of your WANTS happening, and even if you dont believe it just listen to what she says and everything will feel better again! :DDD We all just need to find ourselves another Mr.Perfect just as we imagine him, but NOT gay this time! LOL ok anyway I just spent an hour writing this so hope it helps some of u. JUST READ THE BOOOOK :DD I'm still not perfectly recovered but this book is def saving me from a lot of pointless negative thinking. k bai****

  35. Too all the heterosexual females out there…don’t fall in love with gay men if you can help it…they will mislead you and what is the point?? It is a total waste of time…especially for those who want to get married and someday have children. Flirt with the idea…but keep one’s heart in a cage against falling in love with gay men.

    • Today, I realized my struggle and frustration was because I was trying to find just an ounce of love as per I Corinthians 13:4-8. However, his actions demonstrated that he hates me as much as I love him…irregardless of his words which I treasured…his actions stated differently. Accepting that someone that you thought loved you hates you…is liberating. And if you continue to love that person, you can love everyone.

  36. This exat thing happend to me my best guy friend told me he was gay today and I’ve liked him for almost 4 years now and I don’t know what to do I completely souport gays but I like him and I know he’ll never like me in the same way

  37. I am so glad to have found this community. I am currently struggling (that’s an incredible understatement) to get over being in love with my best friend. I’ve known him for more than a year and I swear, once I truly knew him, I understood he was the only one for me. With him, I felt like I was living in a dream, but I never had to wake up. I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone that I wasn’t. I was free. I didn’t particularly have the best childhood and all my life I never understood what all encompassing love was until I met him.
    We have spent most of our free time together. We are practically inseparable. The relationship and memories we have together can never be articulated properly in words because they transcend my ability to do so. It’s like I’ve known him my entire life. Or at least, I thought I knew.
    Maybe I should’ve known after an allotted amount of time that he wasn’t interested. After all, he never physically made any attempts to legitimize a romantic relationship in that way. But we were so…connected. I swear, he knew what I was thinking, feeling and vis a versa. He knew ME. The good, bad and the ugly. Everything you could possibly imagine in a friendship spanning the lengths of 20 years, we have. Or had.
    For months, he had been attempting to talk to me about something he said “was very important”. I was under the impression it had to do with him trying to strike up the nerve to ask me to be with him. I had absolutely no idea he was gay (or confused) in any way. He finally told me one night very late over the phone because he was evidently to nervous to confront me about something like that. I was initially a bit saddened, but I was learning to get over it. I am bisexual myself and I wanted to support him because I personally understood how confused and conflicted I once felt. What else could I do? I was blessed with the best friend many never get to meet in a lifetime and he meant so much more to me than his sexuality or a label of any kind. I tried pushing past my own pain so we could remain the same and I believed eventually it would make our relationship stronger.
    It was not even two weeks later, we were spending time together (like always) and he asked me if I would be willing to lie for him about something. Initially I assumed it was for support purposes, for instance, that he needed to seek out a group he could talk to beyond me. Then I realized it was to go meet another person who he had been talking to romantically.
    I suppose, my conflict lies in forgiveness. For all of the pain I went through in a span of weeks- for him to disregard my feelings and ask for a favor in order to that…It tore me apart. It still does. And, if I’m being honest, the pain spanned past a few weeks. I spent months trying to understand what I was doing wrong, what I wasn’t doing, that was keeping us from being together. I can’t recall how many times I’ve cried over the fact that we seemed so incredibly close and yet separated. He has apologized so many times and tells me how special I am to him. How he’s never met anyone like me. And I want to forgive him. I want to run back to him and have everything be restored. But I feel like I’m enabling that behavior the moment I return- That my feelings are disposable. Please, do not misunderstand that I have grappled with what he must’ve been feeling too. Tried to put myself in his shoes. But at the end of the day, the emotional turmoil that has ensued feels like it outweighs the love I once had for him.
    If anyone has any shred of advice, any at all, please do not hesitate to comment back. I am looking for some unbiased perspective to help me understand this situation from the outside.
    If you’ve managed to read this far, I sincerely thank you.


    A year ago I met a HOMOPHOBIC guy (had bad experiences with a gay who had a crush on him and ruined their friendship). He knew I was gay and at he first he seemed scared of me. Afraid I was going to make moves or something. But I admired he did had the guts to start a conversation about it. Due to his earlier experience I understood but told him that not every gay person is the same. Basicly cured him. It went ok from there and we started to hang out. He even dared to share the same bed (nothing sexual) when crashing after a night out.

    A few months later I ironicly started developing a crush on him.. I was like “god NO” quite ironic that the second gay person he met and sees as a friend gets a crush on him. I didn’t tell him till 2 months later.

    While we were watching TV I told him I felt hypocritcal. I told him I admired him as a friend and it felt wrong for me not to tell him what was bothering me (since all our conversations were pure and honest). Keep in mind I told everything with a calm and sober voice and didn’t wound up in emotions. “You know we met each other and bounded as friends…..You get to know each till a certain level. the fact is I’m cursed that my feelings can get levels beyond that. I don’t want it to be, but I do have feelings for you.” He looked surprised..He told me he just passed the moment he wasn’t afraid of that… I continued “This has been going on for 2 months now and there is no reason for me to change anything. It’s my problem. I’ll handle it. When it discomformts you, it means I failed. My respect to you is more important than my feelings. I know you are straight and even if you tried you wouldn’t be able to give me any false hope.”

    He responded great. and for me it was a relief I still could be honest towards him. the first weeks after this he was more alert about it. You could see in his reaction when grabbing his shoulder or something. But it became more relaxed. We both joke about it.

    These days I´m still not over him but it´s been ok. I know that I still got my best friend. And by now he isn´t physically scared anymore (like a bro hug) And some exclusive moments I can “borrow” his chest to lay my head on (“as long as it doesn’t get a habit”) When I look back I’m still glad it worked out like this. For me it feels like I’ve got the max. of what I could get out of him as a straight guy.

  39. I’m in the exact same situation. I’ve loved my gay best friend for two years now. I don’t know how to stop, and I don’t want to, but I know I need to.

  40. I’m in the same boat. We both love each other very much, but I get jealous easily because I want him for myself. And if things were different we would be together, but that’s just not going to happen. As much as it hurts to accept that, you too or risk losing them forever. Sometimes you NEED to see other people who will fulfill your need because you deserve to be happy. And even though he might not love you the way you want him to doesn’t mean he isn’t loving you with everything he has. You need to appreciate your friendship and be thankful and enjoy your time together. Maybe you need to really look at your relationship and ask your self what do you want from it. If it’s hurting you, you need to walk away. I believe in order to have a healthy relationship ( this will sound crazy) you need to be able to see a life with out that person. Then that fare of losing them is gone and you enjoy your time with him. And remember with men sex is just sex. It’s no love. My gay best friend told me that he’d rather love someone then be I love with someone. And I know he loves me, I know he cares an he will be there. And as his best friend I want to be happy for him even if it means him being with someone other then me, because his happiness is important to me.

  41. Mahrk Lyev1111

    Being attracted to the same sex in countries like USA,UK Canada is really easily as i have heard.There are still people there who don’t like people like us but it not as bad as that of Russia cos here we are beaten jailed and sometimes even killed.You can’t hold the hand of the one you care about in the public so as to avoid been harassed we can even set a place to me cos if we are caught we face jail time.Here in Russia we gay are prisoner in our own country.I am currently in a relation with my fiance and we had to leave Russia to be together.Before now his parent were against our relationship cos they had no idea he was gay we sneaked around knowing the risks if we were to be caught.When he finally got heart to tell him family the rejected him and asked he stops seeing me or they were going to turn him in and that scared him a lot his father is a very powerful man in Russia and he made it possible for him not to be able to live the country i mean as long as you have money in Russia anything goes.I was lucky they never got to meet me cos if they did i would have not been here right now writing this article that you are all reading.Probably i would have been in jail.Months passed and there was no way we could see each other cos they had him watched to make sure he is never get to meet me and also to know the person the was he was practicing this profane act with as they called it.They stripped him of all his right to the family assets and made him an outcast i could see he was suffering form the text he was sending me they made his life miserable and made him end our relationship.I knew he was confused and did know what to do to get his life back to make his family see him the way they use to.And i knew that his family were never going to accept his life style cos they are so anti gay.If they were to be a fund riser to fight gay practice in Russia his family will be the first to ask that they host it.I love him so much but he was scared of him family and they also had a grip on him.I know most person don’t believe in what about to say but still if it wasn’t for Mutton Osun a spell caster that i found on the internet i would not have been writing this.It happened maybe by a slim chance or fate that i was a blog were it happened that i read three distinct comment about how he help them with similar problem.I contacted him with an email address that was in the comment.I asked Mutton Osun to cast a spell to make my then boyfriend to make up his mind to run away from Russia with me to be together and also his family as in his father to make it possible for him to leave Russia with me and set a very comfortable life for us were we were going.And i know doing spells with someone you can’t even see is outrageous but i promise you he makes you feel more at else when he calls and he really goes through with his promise cos he did with mine he was really helpful to him and kind.And like other people said he doesn’t even charge you for what he is doing for you.I had to provide some list of materials that he asked that i get for my spell casting.I preferred that i sent the money down to him cos they were not easy to find and even when i found them it was so expensive but he could get them cheaply.He instructed me on how to make the spell work with great effect.It took 7 seven day and night to see it result.On the seventh night my boyfriend call me to tell me we could finally be together cos his father did agreed to do all i asked mutton osun to make him do i just knew at once it was Mutton Osun spell cos it what i asked for and now me and fiance are the happiest right now we can hold hand now without fear of being harassed or sent to jail for we are in love and we are very comfortable here.His father made sure everything was set before we even got here just like i asked it should be.Am going to also leave Mutton Osun email here just like others have done for contact purpose godsofosunx @ rocketmail. com

  42. I feel the same about him.. Well not your him.. But.. My ♡Him♡ I ١٥٧٤ him!! I’m 12 and I can’t stop thinking about him! I sometimes feel like him my one and only.. Boys ask me out all the time.. But I always say no.. because my brother is his best friend and he says he is gonna ask me out.. My dad said it ain’t happening.. So I was thinking you might help me.. 😦 but tx anyway.. :*

  43. I burst into tears when i reized i wasn’t the only one with this issue. My closest friend at the moment is bisexual, in fact we both are. But he is the closest thing I’ve come to love. I confessed my feelings for him but he made it clear he was more lenient to men. A few days later he confessed he was in love with my brother. My brother is straight and rejected his feelings. We are both suffering and he spills his feelings for my brother talking to me which only makes it worse because i know it isn’t me. And it hurts like hell. Someone help me

  44. Three years I’ve loved him, he came out as gay in June and I’m still crying myself to sleep. I don’t know, for a while it seemed like there was something there… He used to send me suggestively romantic texts, we wrote a song together, we sing together, we’ve had heart-to-hearts… I still love him. I can’t stop loving him. I have to see him every day and it hurts so much. I wish I could help you, but I don’t even know how to help myself at the moment.

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  52. During December of this past year, I met a guy that works at the Planet Fitness in my area. I only thought of him as a nice and helpful guy that works at Planet Fitness. A month after I met him, I started to have feelings for him. A month after I started to have feelings for him, I found out that he is gay. Even though I know that he is gay, I am having a hard time getting over him. I know that the Lord has someone prepared for me and that I should be patient. It’s hard for me to be patient. Ever since I was in fifth grade, I have noticed that whenever I feel alone and discontent with life, I start to become bi. I know that being bi is wrong since it is something that I feel convicted about and the bible says that it is wrong for me to be liking people of the same sex but I am tired of being alone. If you are feeling the way that I am, here are some encouraging verses for you to read.
    John 17:3, Hebrews 9:15, Romans 8:28, 1 Corinthians 2:9, Hebrews 13:5, Phillipians 4: 11-13, 1 Timothy 6:6.

  53. Heart is Broken

    I fell in love with a man (who is famous and wildly financially successful) who I’m now convinced is gay. He says he isn’t but everything about our relationship tells me he is still in the closet and struggling with his sexuality. He loves me, he enjoys being around me and he doesn’t know how to move forward with me. He is afraid, he calls and texts me and tells me he misses me but he won’t see me. We have only had sex once and it was not like any sex I’ve had with any man. Not wrong, just not standard…he didn’t want to climax…he only wanted to please me. And we have never had sex again…believe me that has NEVER happened to me before. I’m considered very beautiful and sexy in a classical and healthy, vibrant way. I’m in great shape, have done some modeling and am constantly asked if I am famous. And I am passionate and uninhibited in the bedroom, totally comfortable with my body and sexuality. I now realize that my lover knows ‘something’ about himself that I don’t. This isn’t just limited to sexual clues and emotional intimacy concerns, there are many other ‘clues’ I’ve ignored until now. I’ve never been romantically involved with or attracted to anyone who is gay before although I have many gay friends. And I have never loved anyone like I do this man…but it now seems so clear what is going on. I feel heartbroken for me and for him. I will always love him and want him to know he is safe with me regardless of his sexuality; we can’t be life partners but we can always have an important bond and a loving (platonic) relationship if he can be honest with himself and me. I have no idea how to let him know all of this without discussing it, but I’m afraid if I do he will be very upset or defensive. I feel lost and heartbroken.

  54. awkwardsilence

    Hey, so I am glad to have found this because I sort of felt like I was alone in this kind of situation, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one going through this. So, I have liked my friend since I was in the fifth grade, and I am now just graduated from high school. He came out to me when I was just starting out high school, and that crushed me. We would text on and off from middle school til my senior year of high school. My senior year of high school we spent texting eachother every single day. We still do. And it kind of sucks ass to be honest. I came to him quite a few times at the beginning of the school year telling him how I felt about him, and he would just ask me if I wanted to continue our friendship becasue it seemed to bother me, and of course I told him I wanted to continue being friends, and then he’d drop it. I feel like he forgot that I ever liked him, but then my friends tell me he talks about me all of the time, saying things like “Sometimes I think of us”. It hurts me to hear such things, because I’d actually much rather go on with my day NOT knowing he things about me that way when i know he is completely gay. We talk to eachother like we are dating, and that hurts me the most I think. We always tell eachother how much we love eachother and send kissy emojies and stuff. It’s just weird because I don’t talk to anyone else that way and I couldn’t imagine takling to anybody else like that! I feel like we are in a relationship but we aernt and it’s just complete mind fuck. We hang out and we hug, hold hands, talk for hours on end about our childhood, our futures, eachother, everything! He spends the night (I have two beds in my room) and we just talk and cry together sometimes. I don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t want to say something about how we text or the things we do together and how they come off to me, because I want those things to continue, which is sort of wrong i guess, since I am taking things in a different way. It just sucks being in the position where you like someone, and you know that you will never have a chance with them because you are everything they want, but you’re not a male. I don’t know what to do.

  55. Yeah, I had it happen too. Head over heels, butterflies, the electric feeling, the pounding heart, incapability to really talk to the guy?.. I felt it all.. Of course I didn’t know he’s gay.. he thought he’d get fired if people knew. Oh, the joy of non-american babes who don’t know their laws.

    Met him my junior year, he started working at my high school. When I first saw him is was.. amazing I guess. He was beautiful?? Light green eyes, perfect height, nice hair, a slender, yet masculine build, all that jazz. Okay, One badly place string of words, and I developed a crush on him.
    ((‘Oh that person isn’t with us…… OH I mean he’s not HERE, not that he’s .. . you kno’.. dead.. insert small awkward laugh. < That literally made me smile, and laugh it was terrible.))
    So, at the time it was just a small one little crush because I didn't know him at all. But after seeing him for months I really developed a huge crush on him. Being a person who can get attached to someone is a huge mess. He was always nice to me as well, and I never really had a guy be nice that wasn't my friend, or obligated to be nice to me. I'm a person who as cliche as this might sound; wasn't raised on the kindness of men. It was foreign, and absolutely lovely, I wanted more of it. He even acted a bit ..weird at times, like, why do you say hello to everyone in the room, but me?? I'm right there in front of you, too. So besides the oddness it was nice for the time. I did notice he moved whimsically at times like a stereotype, but I've met plenty of guys like that, so it never truly set in my head. A few times did wonder if he was gay, but I wasn't just going to ask him that, you know. When school was getting closer to being over, he even said ' I'll never see you again!'

    Summer finally happened, and a couple weeks later I really realized what I felt for him. I was hurt in a way because I'd never see him again, right? I cried a few times, and needed to be hugged also. Yeah it was that bad.
    So now that school is right round the corner the school staff is coming back, and what not. I'm told he's slotted to come back, I thought ' oh my god?? ', then I'm also promptly told he's gay, and got married as well..

    Oh.. I guess that explains a few things about him. I honestly didn't even know what emotion I felt in that moment. It was sort of like when you get to the very top of a rollercoaster, and it was the second before it drops you. It just hits you everywhere, and you felt the adrenaline, or maybe fear with vague numbness because maybe I shouldn't of gotten on this ride. I'm now told he's set to work another year at the school. I truly don't want to see him. Not because he's gay, and married, but because it just.. feels like so.
    After finding this all out, and taking a few days for it to sink in, I have a flipping breakdown. I call my best friend over, and just cry, while being hugged. This guy was truly the first person who interested me a lot, I've had other crushes, but none like this. It was a rush, just to fall off a cliff. I seem to keep meeting guys, and they turn out to be gay… he's the 3rd guy in a row to be gay. I mean he isn't super..attractive, but he is? He's an attractive man? An attractive man who has wonderful features, but an A+ stuck up argentinian personality. Yeah, he's one of those kinds of guys, nice to a few, but an jerk to everyone else. Yet, I still feel that small piece of my heart wanting him.. I sometimes think it'd be nice if I didn't love so wholeheartedly, so easily because it's gotten me absolutely nowhere. I dread when school starts up again.. It'll be a hell of a year, but it literally CANNOT be as worse as the last one. After all this heartbreak, and pain I'm beginning to wonder how I even let the guy into my heart so easily..
    I really hate the way I feel because I feel like I somehow messed up myself.. Like I want to cry, but i can't.

  56. I know this is really old, but you have no idea how I felt when I found this, I burst into tears as I found out I wasn’t the only one
    I dated this guy I met at school for 4 months or so.
    Then we broke up but we were as close as ever even closer
    I haven’t lost my feelings for him, I never really did wanted to break up with him but it was too much feelings I couldn’t control it all
    That summer me, him and our friends hung out a lot, we became even closer and we really opened up to each other (I still didn’t know that he was gay) Our friendship grew, we went through hard times together and he can always make me smile and laugh when I’m down, he was like a brother to me…not that I ever knew what having a brother felt like but he was one. But then from time to time I felt something more, and I knew it wasn’t right overall bc he was like a brother to me but that fall when we return to school, on a Friday, I found out he was gay…and I didn’t find out from him.
    Here’s the story, me and my best friend were hanging out after school and she told me she had to tell me something about HIM. Then she told me, I was speechless, then I burst into tears. I didn’t know how to feel, I just felt empty I felt like I been fooled, been led on. I thought his actions were something more but it was just being friendly. Worst part is that this other girl who WASN’T his BEST FRIEND, who WASN’T even CLOSE to him was the person that knew!!!! In that moment not only was I heart broken I was angry. That evening me and my friend just sat outside, silent, crying, we didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Worst part yet is that we start walking off campus to go to her house, right at the corner we bumped into him…I just stumble backed..I turned away, I wanted to run, but he didn’t knew I knew so I turned back around. My best friend was doing a better job than me at acting normal, they greeted each other. I just stared at him, saw everything differently about, I couldn’t believe I was so dumb to believe, to have hope that there’s a chance for me and him again. Later that evening we hung out on campus…I was having a good time, it was me, my best friend, him, and his other friend. We hung out, and I tried not to lose hope, but as the evening went by the more and more I notice how gay he is. I felt even worst, I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to first of all. I just didn’t want to admit it, I just wish it wasn’t true I didn’t even know if it was the truth because I heard it from someone else. As I stared at him that evening I felt anger, heartbroken and happiness, how messed up is that huh? School and finals took over. We didn’t hung out much, we just texted each other mostly ever night and it was even harder now to ignore my feelings. Then one night in October, I was tired of not being certain of the truth, if he was gay or not. So i confronted him about it. I asked question after question, and it was true….he was gay. Most awful part I found out was, he was gay when we were dating….I cried that night, and every night for that week. My heart ache and I hated that I couldn’t get over him. But time went by, it’s almost a year since he asked me out on a date.He’s still like a brother to me, we’re so close, and he still makes me happy. I want to focus on him being my brother, but some days, all I could wish for is that he isn’t gay, that’s there’s still a chance for me and him. I still love him, but from time to time I question if I only love him as a brother or something more….

  57. I am in love with my guy gay bestfriend for four years now. The sad thing is that I did everything I could to show him I love him but nothing happened. I know he is not perfect and he is into man. But I still cant get over him. I dont know what to do.. its been years and I am into him still. He is my co worker and we are known to be close so I just cant ignore him. We are always together due to work. I know I have to put some space between us and give myself a chance to see others. But I just cant. Can anybody help me? How can I move on… please I am going crazy.

  58. Alexandria Spikes

    I have been madly in love wit my gay best friend for YEARS! We were each other’s first when we were 18, and he tells me all the time that if he wasn’t gay,we would’ve been together. I’m his date 9/10 where ever we go,we hold hands,kiss hello and bye,we talk for hours and we spend all day together if we’re out and about. We always tell each other that we love one another. He is my love and I’m his. He’s just gay! Even my mother loves him! And his mom loves me! We complete each other. I love him so much it hurts. I don’t want to be wit anybody else but him. it hurts hearing about dudes he talking to or if he brings the guy around. He brings them around me cause he wants me to get to know the guy and stuff. I’mgoing nuts. I love him you guys and sometimes I just don’t wanna but I can’t help it! This sucks. My soul mate is so close but yet so far. This sucks so bad. When I say years… I mean YEARS!!!! We met when we we’re like 16. At 18yrs old I knew I loved him. We’re both 33 yrs old now and I still want him😭😭😭😭😭😭. I feel yalls pain!

  59. Replying to my own message.
    I don’t ever wanna mess up what we have tho. I rather have this then anything at all. I wouldn’t know what to do if we were “over”. He’s my best friend.

  60. I understand how you feel Tomboy x. I actually fell for two gay guys, which sucks. I’m a senior in High School right now, and in my freshman year I met this guy who was pretty cool. I had the same sense of humor as me and I could talk to him so easily. He even liked the same things as me (almost everything). He finally asked me out, but at the time I didn’t want our friendship to end. I said no to him and soon after that he became gay, he didn’t act any differently than before, so we continued as friends. But at the end of my sophomore year I started to have feelings for him, strong ones. I thought about him everyday, I tried my hardest listen to him (no matter how much I hated the topic) talk to him, and hang out with him. He soon became my best friend, we did everything together, and it was heaven. I knew he didn’t like me, he even had boyfriends from time to time, but I stayed by his side anyway. And when his boyfriend broke up with him, I listened to all his sad music with him and let him cry on my shoulder (metaphor). It was bittersweet, I loved being so incredibly close to him, but I hated seeing him sad. He eventually got over it, unlike me. In my Junior year, I tried my hardest to get over him, it was working, but so painfully slow. I soon thought “if I could fall for someone else, then I’ll surely get over him.” In my junior year I had made a friend with this I kind of like, but because we we’re in such a big crowd I never got to close to him. Until now, Now in my senior year, second semester, I’ve found him again. He ended up having 3rd block with me (French 3) and lunch. He at first didn’t hang out with me and my friends, but soon he became friends with all of us. So the guy I was trying to get over( we will call him H) didn’t actually get along so well with the new guy ( we will call him S). They usually got along, but sometimes they were passive aggressive to each other. So I started to fall for S, and it was wonderful. He was taller than me, kind, sweet, humble, smart, funny, and loved everything I like, even movies and hobbies. It was like a match made in heaven. I started to think he like me too, because he was always trying to talk to me, get close to me, etc. I loved his attempts (he would get shy), I lived for them. In french we had a project where we had to make masquerade masks. H helped me and my other friend (girl and straight, in case you were wondering) after that H refused to help S and my other friend didn’t know how to do it well, so I helped. It was the perfect moment, he was on his back facing me, and I bobby pinned his hair away from his forehead, he was giggling and so was I. I started to spread the cast thing to make the mask, I had so much fun being so close to him, and I was carefully and delicate when my fingers touched his face. After that, I really fell for him, and completely forgot about my crush on H.I’m still best friends with H, but now my thoughts were on S. I thought about his all the time, I imagined going to prom with him and dancing the whole night, telling him my feelings and he would like me back. I even made sure my prom dress was perfectly beautiful just so when he sees me it would take my breath away. I finally told my other friend (girl, and asexual) that I really liked him (she’s taking him to prom because they have been friends since middle school, I told her, so I could ask if I could steal her date. I’m actually going with H, but he’s inviting some guy he likes.), and she told me he was gay. It broke my heart, I had spent months head over heels for him, I planed to even tell him my feeling at prom, I got a pretty dress for him, I didn’t even care that H had someone else tag-along with us because I thought i was going to be dancing with S. I hurt so much to know that someone I liked so much didn’t even like me back, she even told me that she had asked him and he said yes I’m gay and please don’t tell anyone. This was during lunch, and I told her in line, I walked to the table with her and I just couldn’t even look at him. Every trait that I loved about him was mocking me, and H even started to tell a story about some friend he had that liked someone and she wasn’t sure if he was gay or not. It really hurt to hear this story and it sucked even more, because the girl didn’t even have a happy ending. I just couldn’t believe it, I never noticed anything that would lead me to believe he was gay, not even the slightest sign. I know that not every gay guy is super flamboyant, but H sometimes has a slip here and there (he also proudly proclaims it, which he should). I can’t believe it, I could have sworn he flirted back with me. I think he noticed I was a bit sad, because he kept asking if I was ok, and to be honest I just didn’t want to talk to him, I know its not his fault, but for some reason I blamed him. This happened today, just about 2 hours ago, I went online to look for ways to get over him fast, because I just can’t stand to be around him, if I still have feeling about him. I honestly feel mad and sad (so I guess bitter) when he talks to me, looks at me, or even when he speaks, and he sits next to me in French Class, which isn’t fair. I sat here first, he moved to sit next to me. I get so mad and sad when I think about how he acted, once again, I know its not his fault, but I’m just so hurt and bitter, I want to cry and even hit him. But at the same time I want him near, I still do like him, I guess I’m just hurt or something like that. I don’t know, it’s all still confusing. If anyone has any advice or tips on what I should do please email me, I don’t want to end up saying something to him I might regret. My Email is, Write the subject in All caps please, I get a lot of emails for ads.

  61. i have a few gay friends and me too loves one of them today we had a kind of thing were at lunch he was dragged away by another friend and i asked him were he went he replied with some random stuff like he always does which is on of the reasons i love him but as he spoke to me he stood close and put his hand on my face and drew circles on my check with his thum it was the happiest moment i scene i can remember an i cant get over it.
    i cant help i too am conflicted.

  62. Well I met this guy last year at work we really seemed to hit it off he was a virgin and bisexual I thought him being a virgin it would be harmless to get involved so we hung out a lot went out to eat movies became so close I had people asking me all the time if he was my boyfriend. We became so close it felt inevitable that anything could ever change that I felt that we were falling in love everything seemed to point in that direction excpet when I brought it up he would start blaming his ocd problems and not want to talk about it i got hurt and angry and had to stay away from him for a while at times than last week we got into our final argument bad blowout I was tired of him hiding things and i wanted to know if it was time for me to move on or not I told him I loved him last week and that must have drove him nuts I’m guessing I told him I no longer wanted to be friends I emotionally couldn’t handle it anymore it was ripping me apart big time he begged and pleaded for me to change his mind than after being off work 2 days he tried talking to me I ignored him mostly than Sunday he came in with 2 big hickies on his neck I hit the wall nearly couldn’t stop crying or focus for 2 days told him I hated him and to stay away from me unless he wanted to get his ass kicked this is the end of it cannot be friends or anything too much emotion and time invested

  63. I have a gay friend that i have been crushing on for the longest and he know that i like him but still acts as if he was straight and i never actually had the braveness to ask if he was bi he makes me happy sometimes sad but in the end i love him so much and i never want to lose him. I cant think of any other person i’d rather be with but him, getting over a gay guy is hard and tough and i personaly dont think you should try and rush it. There will come a day where your going to realize enough is enough, and when you do,you’ll know

  64. Confused & Lost

    my ‘best friend’ suddenly told me he’s spending the night at his partner’s place. My world shattered. i had so many questions. i was lost & confused. So where was i standing all these time? i need to know before i can decide if i wanna run & hide or stay. i didn’t wanna get hurt. Running seems like the best plan & yet i wanted to stay for him. But i become very insecure. Whenever he doesn’t text me or just leave 1 line messages, my imagination runs wild. And everytime we spend time together, these fears disappears but they resurface after a few days. everybody could see that i was not in my usual condition but him. in front of him i act as though i’m cool with it. but really…. beneath i’m struggling to survive. i told him a bit of what i felt but he always keeps quiet & just listens. Before he met his partner, he used to tell me his whereabouts or his plans for the day now i dunno where he is or what he’s doing. i’m not trying to control him but i’m so used to him & dependent on him i dunno how to wean off him. cos i know once i run, i’ll lose him. but many of my friends say i should stay. i should feel honored that he’s letting me in on such a big secret. it must have taken him lots of courage to come out of the closet. And does it matter if he’s straight or gay? even before i knew this, we had lots of fun. actually i think i’m ok that he’s gay. what i’m not ok is that he isn’t spending as much time with me as before & i’m no longer on his priority list. Should i ask him to speak up about how he feels about me? he says he’s told his partner about me
    and the other party understands that all saturdays are mine (we had a pact before that all his saturdays are mine). but i get this nagging feeling that he feels obligated to do it. he really wants to spend it with his partner. i’m forcing him to spend it with me. If somebody ever comes up with a solution, apart from stay away from him/ out of sight out of mind, i’ll be happy to heed.

    • Confused & Lost

      Same as LadyRue, I don’t wanna say anything that i might regret later or drive him away. But i have a feeling i’m pushing him a lot cos i keep wanting to get answers from him. i’m totally stuck, run or stay? i told him about the run or stay. he said stay but does he mean it? will he still want me to stay after all the probing?

  65. Thank God I found this blog. Glad I’m not alone on this road :’)
    I fell for a really close guy friend before I knew he was gay. I have to admit I did sense stereotypical gay signs from him (which straight dude would love Arianna Grande and Britney songs, and spazz over Justin Timberlake?). But I had to face the dreaded reality when another common friend actually asked his sexual orientation in front of me. I wanted to cry right there and then, but thankfully my cool head kept me sober. The worse part of all this is, instead of moving on, I kept falling for him- even harder if possible. I know it’s stupid, but I really couldn’t control my feelings, no matter how hard I tried. The thing is, I somehow felt he was kind of leading me on. But of course, that was from my love-blinded perspective. I knew he liked me- otherwise he wouldn’t have looked for me first and not others every time- but of course, just as a very good friend. It was hard. Pretending everything was alright every time I looked into his eyes was really hard. But then I got accepted for studies abroad (well, we were also already abroad in the first place, but anyways), so my internal agony of seeing him every other day ended.
    Then, after almost a year since I left, I had to go back for a short while for work, and of course that meant I had to meet him again. And guess what? I still freaking liked him. No wonder I couldn’t accept any other guys trying to approach me so far. Geez. I don’t know if I dare say the word love here, but if you asked me if I would jump off a cliff for him, my answer is: I would. And.. I also felt we became much closer than ever before. In that short period of my visit, I basically spent almost all of my free time with him around. Perhaps not the best decision ever. My feelings were in such a mess and I was so sick of pretending, I swear I was going to tell him. But I didn’t. And I still don’t know if that was a good choice or not.
    On the night before I left, I hugged him real tight. Twice. And wished him the best of luck in his love and life, and all that sort of thing. Which he wished me too. And he watched me walking away before finally leaving. Honestly, I sensed this strong feeling then that he was actually aware of my feelings for him, and that he couldn’t really do or say anything to make things any better. Might be just my imagination though. Ha. Anyways, I said my farewells. With no idea when (or if) I would ever see him again. *cries a sh*t load
    End of story, I am in another continent now, and living just fine (or at least I believe so). Though I still squeal when I notice that he’s usually the first person to like my instagram or fb posts, and though sometimes I still look at our sweet and perfect picture together in my phone before bed.
    I am hoping that one day I would be able to really let go. That I could find someone whom I could fall for, even harder than I did for him. And I believe I am getting there. Soon 🙂

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