The Sun’s Not OUT

I think I might be depressed.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.  I really just want to eat and eat and sleep.  I don’t want the face the world.  The world is against me.  And then I am thinking this might just be my stupid hormones.  Either way I need help.  Professional  help.  Nothing is going the way I want it to go and everything is falling through the cracks. I don’t want people to think I am a nut case, which some already do.  I guess I cannot change the way people view me, even though I want to please everyone.  I hinder myself.  Even this blog.

I want to call out of work tomorrow but I get my review.  Wednesday there is a presentation.  I feel smothered. 

i feel like I have to put on a brave face for my friends.  I feel like I have to abandoned my friends but I feel abandoned too.

And then I can feel this thing growing inside of me.  Something that doens’t take away from problems but adds to them.  A cyst growing bigger and bigger.  My weight fluxating.

One of my friends sassed me for wanting to wear clothes out of Forever 21, but I have never been able to wear clothes out of Forever 21.  I want my shot.  I want to be able to wear clothes outside of the store.


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