I went to a family reunion, which wasn’t as dramatic as I imagined it to be. On the way back to my grandparents house for dinner we stopped to get ice cream, then I bumped into my other grandparents. My biological fathers parents. It was weird, I haven’t seen them in years. it was also a lot of hugging. I also found out the sperm donor had been staying in Atlanta for a little bit and hadn’t called me. It hurt but it’s not like he owes me anything. I’ve decided to maintain keeping a distance from them, because I need people who are going to stay in my life and not be nomadic. I love him. I still don’t know how to forgive him. And at the current moment would not attend his funeral, because I would want to spit on him. It’s sad but true. There is just so much hurt and anger there.
It’s part of the reason I cannot find someone, because people come and go. And right now I am not ready to put my heart out there. And the people I do have I try to hold on desperately to. I yo yo. I want them close then I want them away. I am not going to give him that much power because I know it’s something I have to get over.