I have been admitting this forever. I am letting life happen to me. Life is passing me by and I am in a window seat watching. Some say depression others chose not to comment on it at all. I say that I am lost right now. I do know what general direction I want to go in and I am struggling to get there. I am just so blah. What does blah mean? I want to be hidden and not found. I want everything to just happen but I know things don’t just happen. I know you have to work for whatever you want.
Part of me thinks if I move then I will just waste away. I will die alone in my apartment. And then I think part of me wishes that. That people would just abandon me so I can waste away.
Have I given up on living?
No. I still come to work. I still dress myself.
But I want to be that girl. The girl with lots of friends who doesn’t have a care in the world. The girl who has a nice place and a respectful boyfriend. The one who shops at forever 21.