Right Now, Really Right Now?

First of all I’m a drama queen second of all my life is nothing short of boring.  It’s crazy.  Everything is crazy.  And I’m eatting my weight in food.  I have to fight those erges.

  • I didn’t want to talk about but bestie is not well.  I’ve lost friends in the past and I know how I reacted.  I didn’t believe how sick they were.  History is repeating itself with Bestie.  But I know how sick she is.  Monday we were on the phone and she had a seizure.  First seizure ever, they suspended her drivers license.  Now they think she has epilepsy. I don’t know how to deal with it.  I would love to think she’s going to be here for ever, but people don’t last forever.
  • And then I feel bad because I don’t know how to handle the bestie situation.  I don’t.  I feel myself hiding.
  • Everything is changing.  Friends are moving.  Friends aren’t talking to me.  I’m not on any ones social calendar.  I want to enjoy life but I am constantly working and being prudish.  And I’m a tense drama queen.
  • I’m in love with the ideal of being in love.  Yet, the guys I’m totally had over heels for love over guys.  Shame on me for pickng guys who are rejecting me from front street.
  • I haven’t gotten into college and it feels like an uphill battle.  An admissions rep asked me to take more classes at a community college.  Which I have signed up for.  I’m sort of excited and sort of scared.
  • I want to move out, I know my mantra of the past four years.  My life was suppose to be different.  I was suppose to have a job that I loved with a guy who was head over heels for me.  And a baby or two.  Not to mention a house or brownstone.  Instead friendships are constantly changing.  I’m infatuated with people who could never possible see potential romance in me.  And I won’t own a house or have a baby until my mid thirties.  If I can possible ovulate to have a baby at all.

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