why do I feel like I am in the Background

I feel like I am standing in the back of a chorus line waving a rose.  When  I want to be a headliner.

My life feels empty, ok que in scene from the movie Eat, Pray, Love.  But it does and I am not happy.  There I said it, I am not happy with my life.  I am not happy with this existence.  I’m not jumping off of a building any time soon, but I mentally check out every chance I get.  Sometimes I cannot even read a paragraph without being sidetracked.  My short-term memory is not so good, which is a sign of stress.

I have a friend who is also a licensed counselor.  She says to stay positive, but I can’t.  And then I feel like a whiny baby and maybe my problems a small in the grand scheme of things.

I just don’t know what to do or what I am capable of doing.  I would like my manual to life now please.  I beg God constantly for there to be dreams of future promises before I sleep.  Yet nothing.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am mental.


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