The New Year Really

I don’t know what direction this post will take (this is me giving you a fair warning).

Everyone seems tobe writing posts about the new year.  I am the list and goal making type, but this year feels different.  I don’t feel like making goals for the new year.  I think because I feel they won’t happen.  The things I want seem so out of reach.  Things are getting pretty dark. 

Something else that caught my attention is Oprah’s new magazine issue where she talks about new chapters.  She of course is opening up a new chapter in her life not hosting a talk show and getting her own network (called OWN).  I have always thought I could use this time as starting a new chapter for my life.  But I am stressing about finding a job and living up to expectations I think other people have about me.  I use to think dreams come through and hard work will get you anywhere.  Reality has stepped in.

I’m currently watching on of the last episodes of Ugly Betty where she is faced with dilemmas.  She was offered a new column on fashion and then someone told her that, that was not her dream.  She just fell into fashion.  Betty has decisions to make.  Does she move ahead with her career in fashion magazines or does she follow her true passion.  Sometimes I think I don’t even put my true passion on the table because I am afraid the will be judged my the real world and I would lose the one thing that I truly have to myself.

I don’t know what 2011 will hold.  Hopefully it will be better.  Hopefully I will be better.

I’m running in all directions right now and going nowhere.

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