The internal struggle begins. I’m not even at a crossroads. I guess I am worrying about the future. I just don’t want to be having this same dialog in ten years. I don’t want to be forty living with my mother with no love interest working a the supercenter.
At forty I want to be married to someone who adores me (I would adore him too).
I guess I feel like I need someone to call my own. I have a mother who is great, or relationship could never be broken. I have a best friend, she’s married with a one year old. My BFF is great but I think I need some male attention. I need some petting and caressing. And maybe some sex. I said maybe.
I feel the clock ticking. Time is one of the only things you cannot get back. And I can see it and count it slipping by. People say live in the moment but I am by nature a planner. I want another job that pays more where I can feel proud of myself. I want to be able to move out if I want to. Save to buy grown up furniture.
Babies. Babies have been on my mind. Most of my friends (they even let my brother take one home) have kids now. Sometimes it throws me off. The kids are cute and kids take away time from brunches, clubbing, and last minute vacations. I am accepting of their kids and most of the time have fun playing with them. But I don’t feel they will accept me when I have mine. Their kids will more than likely be in grade school. I’ll already be the oldest mom on the block, who will be my friend with a new born. Being in your late 30s and early 40s with a new born can’t bring a lot of similar mom friends. But I don’t even know if I want kids. I do not want to be the old spinster with a million cats they find dead because animal control was called.
First things first though. I need a decent job and a man.