No what a mess

My life has become a mess in 2012.  I complete mess.

The only joy I have right now is young adult dystopian novels and my Walmart app.  I want to read Mindy Kaling’s book, but funds are lacking and I have a cruise to go on.

The Bahamas is going to be nice.  The car ride is probably the worse thing.  Plus I know my friend does not trust my driving.

New People

I posted earlier that my mom has a boyfriend.  He is at our house every time he has free time.  I feel uncomfortable, not to think that he;s going to kill me or anything.  But he makes me feel like I don’t belong in the house, like I am infringing on his girlfriend and their time.  Worse thing is I think he’s here to stay.

Maybe I just don’t get it because I don’t have a love interest.  I hope I don’t spend all my free time with them.

I just feel expendable to family and friends.

Working

  • Still working on the bicostal planning for this baby shower.  It’s confirmed  that the baby is a girl.
  • I’ve decided that tomorrow I will make phone calls to everyone who has left me messages, which is a good number of my friends.  I’ve been avoiding most people because I’ve been in a sucky mood.
  • I’m working on several midterm projects.  Cooperative federalism vs. Dual Federalism and stuff like that.  Blah, blah, blah.
  • I’m becoming more tense.
  • I have two doctors appointments on Tuesday.  I also have to bring up the fact that I have abscess or boils in a place that is odd, he’ll look because that is what I pay he him to do.  My mom is going with me to my eye appointment.
  • I have not been working on my writing or goals, my marriage to myself is on seperation (lol).

Things

  • I think I am a little closer to love!!!!  Now all I gotta do is get excited about a guy touching me.  Right now I feel icky about it.  I think I could enjoy it again.  It’s like riding a bike, except I don’t ride bikes anymore either. 
  • I am refusing to read for class. 😦  I need to finish at least two chapters of my Public Law and Public Administration Book.  At least and make notes so that I can follow the professor.  Time waits for no one in graduate school.
  • My Bff is worried and of course I am worried for her. 
  • Finished Little Bee and I am working up the courage to write a review.  I need to practice my writing skills anyway.

Friendship

A season, a reason, and a lifetime.

I have a good best friend.  We have been through a lot of drama and now she is embarking on a new adventure (having a baby). 

I have said before that over the past year friendships have changed.  It’s true.  I have had friends moved away and friendships that just didn’t make it.  I have also made new friends who I think will last a lifetime.  All this has happened over the past 18 months.

Appreciate

Todays reverb is appreciate.  I think over the past year I have learned to appreciate basic things, even though I love craft stuff and books.  I appreciate my friend and family.  My BFF is the best, she’s like the sister that I have but she actually gets me.  Yeah we get into way random fights but it’s worth it to keep her in my corner.  My mother has really been there for me.  For one she lets me live in her house, even though I am messy girl and I have a lot of things.  My brother has been there for me through lots of emergency room trips. Lots.  also my Aunt, even though she is weird.  Yeah, every weird. And sometimes makes me mad, but this year we have been more tolerant of each other’s flaws.

Currents

  • I would like to say that I have the best best friend ever.  God, gave me a chance to have a sister relationship with someone.
  • My eyes are bothering me, but hopefully I can get some temp contacts, because I’m ill right now.
  • economics assignment one is not going well. I am getting help from a friend and my mother.
  • Have a research proposal due.  I want to do a case study but I have not found a case.  Wish me luck!
  • I am trying to be more positive and not focus on trying to be perfect for other people. Not to mention accepting people for who they are and cutting people some slack.  Most of all cutting myself some slack.
  • Looking for more work.  I need another part-time job or a fulltime job.

Current!

  • My brother is getting things in order to leave.  He’s working my nerves, acting like a baby.  He needs to take life by the reins.  Hell, I need to take life by the reins.  I just think he’s running from something only to run into something worse.  He owes me $78 dollars, which I want now!
  • BFF and me have been distant for a while, which I guess happens in time with friendships.  She’s going through a life changing struggle, which is what I gathered.  She’s been seeing this guy who makes her feel all the things her husband does not.  She wants to sleep with him (the guy who is not her husband).  I thinker cheaters are cheaters.  I think she wants me to be ok with it if she does.  And I am not ok with cheating.  Period.  So it’s whatever.
  • Feeling a lot better.  Gotta go to work tomorrow, which is blah.  I’m thinking about taking the management test, which somewhat equals defeat to me.  I have so much angst about it, but oh well I’m not getting hired.  I have always equaled what I did to my self-worth.  And so I feel low about what I am going to do. 😦
  • I just feel out of the loop lately.  LOL.  It’s funny, I am up on current events.  But I guess I mean life, hell I know I mean life.  Like I am supposed to be married with a child.  Damn, the recession!  Like that is to blame for how I feel.  It isn’t.  I’m losing it.
  • School start next week which will take my mind off of things.  I’ll have a lot less time to think about everything. blah.

Just Another Manic Monday

  • My last final is today
  • I am sore, which is different.
  • Bloated, too.
  • I am being forced to get a pedi.  My feet will love my friend, even though I don’t want one. blah.  It’s sabotage.
  • The CW’s Vampire Diaries will not play on my computer straight through.
  • My brother is working my nerves. He just is.
  • I am not excited about the birthday pajama party I have been invited to.  I’m not wearing sexy slumber wear so I feel like I’m not in competition.

Things That Happened This Week

  • My bff got $1,200 stolen from her, by family members.  It’s easy for me to advice her to call the police, file a report, and get her money back.  I know she’s wondering why her family is doing this to her.  I can’t help wanting her to stick it to her family members, because they shouldn’t have done it.  One of the members is in the army and my bff is afraid to get her into trouble.  Problem is she got herself into trouble by collecting the stolen funds.  In the end all I can do is support my friend in whatever decision she makes.
  • A college friend of mine is pregnant with her second child.  It wasn’t a surprise but it was.  I’m happy for her but she always makes me feel bad.  She compares us to each other and it gets akward.  I don’t know how to handle the situation because it contiually arises.
  • The tree in front of our house fell into the road.  911 was involved and it was hard for the neighbors to manuveour around the tree in the middle of the road.
  • Saw the new Drew Berrymore movie and it sucked.