New People

I posted earlier that my mom has a boyfriend.  He is at our house every time he has free time.  I feel uncomfortable, not to think that he;s going to kill me or anything.  But he makes me feel like I don’t belong in the house, like I am infringing on his girlfriend and their time.  Worse thing is I think he’s here to stay.

Maybe I just don’t get it because I don’t have a love interest.  I hope I don’t spend all my free time with them.

I just feel expendable to family and friends.

A Lil Something for ME

 I was complaining in my bed room again and about to cry, when I realized “What am I crying for?”  So what a customer pissed me off.  And I feel like tones of friends are blowing me off. 

I need to move forward.

I want to go out more, I need to meet people and join more things.

I want a boyfriend, I need to date.  I need to go to the mountain.

Perseverance. 

I can’t wait for life to happen to me.  I need to dive in.  At least I won’t drown if I fail.  I promised myself this year was going to be different and it is.  If I can keep promises to other people, I sure as hell can keep a promise to myself.

And I’m going to be confident about it, darn it.

Someone

I was just thinking about having relations with a man.  I haven’t been kissed by a guy in four years.  I haven’t found anyone that I was interested in and that was interested in me to have  those types of feelings with.  No secret I don’t feel attractive, but there is someone for everyone.  I’m ready for a little action, just a tad.  A guy with his own place.

Closet = Dating Life

I happen upon an article online, which referenced your closet  to your dating life.

Now we are not talking literally about a closet but more like the wardrobe in the closet.

I would describe my wardrobe as simple, plain, and same pieces in rotation.  It speaks like a person stuck in a rut.  My dating life is in a rut, but I do want a relationship that is simple, plain, and on replay.

Closet = Dating Life.  Well, sort of.

Sabrina Fair

Sabrina: He keeps me company.
Woman: You think so? Illusions are dangerous people. They have no flaws. I came here from Provence, alone, uneducated. For 8 months – no more than that – a year, I sat in a café, I drank coffee, and I wrote nonsense in a journal. And then somehow, it was not nonsense. I went for long walks and met myself in Paris. You seem embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone. It’s only a place to start.

Yeah, he’s an illusion alright.  I’ m love with the ideal of being in love.  Not heard first on this blog.  He keeps me warm at night, comforted.  But I think this illusion is hindering me.  I need more.  That’s me wanting more. LOL  His nonexistent touches aren’t enough.

Who is he?  This week it’s Zach, whose taller than me.  He wants kids as much as I do and his mother loves me.  His kisses are sweet and we take many staycations.  Me and his sister bicker but all and all we get along.  He knows I’m complicated and I know he’s trustworthy.  But he’s not real.

Any who just thoughts.

Why DMS is no good for me.

1.       He’s clueless.

2.       He has no ambition.

3.       I think he’s gay.  At least he cross dresses for fun.

4.       I was never in love with him.  He was something to warm my bed.

5.       He sweated profusely during sex.

6.       He didn’t know how to go down well.

7.       He was a push over

Can I Not be Debby Downer

I am shy around guys.  But hey I want one for my own pleasure.  Lol.  What girl doesn’t?  I can’t seem to catch a guys attention hell I can’t even keep my own friends attention.

I am thinking about a conversation that me and bestie had.  She was telling me that guys initially want to date girls who seem like they have fun.  I don’t think I portray a fun girl.  I am prudish and intense not to mention uptight, but I want to seem like I have fun.  I want people to want to hang around me.

A lot of this is coming from missing attention with friends and lack of dating.  There have been a lot of changes in most of my friend’s lives and I just sit there watching on the side lines.  I love them but I am heading in a different direction than eighty five percent of them.  I AM NOT MARRIED NOR PREGNANT AND I DO NOT HAVE KIDS.  NOT TO MENTION I AM NOT A GAY BLACK MALE.  I know you don’t have to have a lot in common with friends but you have to have something.  I’m missing effort from a lot of friends.

Anyway.

Dating.  I don’t feel worthy of a guy.  I just don’t.  I don’t take care of my body and I don’t care how big I get as long as I have food.  I was reading something by Jillian from the Biggest Loser and she was saying that many people do not lose weight because they don’t feel worthy.  It’s said but I have to fake it until I make it.

And I am fun just not the run of the mill fun.  I’m more casual corner in a bookstore and take me to Denny’s fun. 

It’ll all work out in the end.

My Dating Deal Breakers

          If you want me to eat at the back door.

          Smokers

          Alcoholics

          Guys with joint custody (dealing with other women and their children can be hectic)

          Addictions to gambling

          No chin drool

          High maintenance men

          Guy with no ambition

          Liars

What’s some of your dating deal breakers.