30 Things I want within the Next Year


  1. my own space
  2. creativity/creating
  3. journaling
  4. confidence
  5. boldness
  6. reading
  7. love
  8. dating
  9. heroism
  10. money
  11. brunch
  12. cooking at home
  13. freetime
  14. cruising
  15. action
  16. pink
  17. gratituderoom
  18. exercise
  19. whole30
  20. blogging
  21. branding
  22. silence
  23. spirituality
  24. serving
  25. stationary
  26. laughing
  27. initiation
  28. intent
  29. writing letters
  30. planning


  • My BFF wants to have a Friendship Party.  Which wouldn’t be as depressing if I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband.  It just makes me sad.  No one can be harder on me than I am on myself.  I feel a nudge to get a man to meet people’s expectations.  I just don’t want to hear it.  And this friendship party reminds me that I am alone and I only have my friends.
  • People just feel like they can insert their opinions on my life.  I don’t need anyone’s opinion on what I eat or how to meet a man or anything.
  • I’m drained.  I just need time by myself.  Everything is draining.  Maybe I just need time off because I feel overwhelmed by everything.


I’m tired of having issues.  My mother just said something snarky to me and I flew off the handle.  We are talking waterworks.  I’ve been sad the past two days.  Nothing but feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful for what I have.  My mother lets me live with her and there are people out there who don’t even have mothers.

Sometimes I feel like I am in her way, but I know that most the time people are in their own ways.  I would never blame anyone but myself for my own failures, but i think sometimes she blames me for hers.  Maybe I am a failure of hers.  Who knows.   Man I am truly narcissistic, what if it’s not even about me.  Talk about having a Cher moment (from Clueless).

She’s getting her roof redone which means no vacations anytime soon.  And my mom has the most vacation time than anyone I know.  That might be a bummer for her.  Who knows.  Maybe she just didn’t want to be bothered or had a lot on her mind.


First 2013 can’t be like the past five years of my life.  I refuse to live in fear and enslaved in it. I’m going to be different.  Because if you want different outcomes then you have to do different things.

May 2013


May is for:

  • graduations
  • roadtrip with my bestie
  • planning vacations for the next year
  • bestie’s birthday
  • preparing for June’s birthdays
  • getting into some kind of exercise groove
  • thinking about what I really want

Right Now 3-13-2013

Right now:

  • Watching Suits (and they referenced a certain Downton Abbey)
  • Thinking about making more money.  Way more money than I am making now.
  • Still a little up in arms about someone telling me I’m not good enough to get a job I am already doing.  Slap in the face yes.  Who does anyone think they are telling someone they can’t do something.
  • Trying to keep my stress level down. TRYING.

Yes and NO

I am broke.  Even after I get my tax return I am broke.  I cannot find a job that equals to my skills and education.  And I am broke. I feel like applying to jobs is a joke.  I feel like no one is going to hire me.  It feels like a vicious circle.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m stuck.


Can I get a redo?  On life? 

I just feel like I have screwed up my life beyond repair.  People think that I am smart and looking back at my track record I feel stupid.  I feel contemned to the life of an old maid with a job that is leading no where.

Yes I sound like a broken record.  I have to move forward.  And move past this. Because this is a mess.