- my own space
- cooking at home
- writing letters
- Possibilities (My hope is resurfacing)
- Traveling (awaiting my next cruise adventure)
- Planning my Disney Trip
- Looking at apartments
- Different Varieties of Eggs Benedict
- My BFF wants to have a Friendship Party. Which wouldn’t be as depressing if I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband. It just makes me sad. No one can be harder on me than I am on myself. I feel a nudge to get a man to meet people’s expectations. I just don’t want to hear it. And this friendship party reminds me that I am alone and I only have my friends.
- People just feel like they can insert their opinions on my life. I don’t need anyone’s opinion on what I eat or how to meet a man or anything.
- I’m drained. I just need time by myself. Everything is draining. Maybe I just need time off because I feel overwhelmed by everything.
I’m tired of having issues. My mother just said something snarky to me and I flew off the handle. We are talking waterworks. I’ve been sad the past two days. Nothing but feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful for what I have. My mother lets me live with her and there are people out there who don’t even have mothers.
Sometimes I feel like I am in her way, but I know that most the time people are in their own ways. I would never blame anyone but myself for my own failures, but i think sometimes she blames me for hers. Maybe I am a failure of hers. Who knows. Man I am truly narcissistic, what if it’s not even about me. Talk about having a Cher moment (from Clueless).
She’s getting her roof redone which means no vacations anytime soon. And my mom has the most vacation time than anyone I know. That might be a bummer for her. Who knows. Maybe she just didn’t want to be bothered or had a lot on her mind.
First 2013 can’t be like the past five years of my life. I refuse to live in fear and enslaved in it. I’m going to be different. Because if you want different outcomes then you have to do different things.
May is for:
- roadtrip with my bestie
- planning vacations for the next year
- bestie’s birthday
- preparing for June’s birthdays
- getting into some kind of exercise groove
- thinking about what I really want
- Watching Suits (and they referenced a certain Downton Abbey)
- Thinking about making more money. Way more money than I am making now.
- Still a little up in arms about someone telling me I’m not good enough to get a job I am already doing. Slap in the face yes. Who does anyone think they are telling someone they can’t do something.
- Trying to keep my stress level down. TRYING.
I am broke. Even after I get my tax return I am broke. I cannot find a job that equals to my skills and education. And I am broke. I feel like applying to jobs is a joke. I feel like no one is going to hire me. It feels like a vicious circle. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck.
Can I get a redo? On life?
I just feel like I have screwed up my life beyond repair. People think that I am smart and looking back at my track record I feel stupid. I feel contemned to the life of an old maid with a job that is leading no where.
Yes I sound like a broken record. I have to move forward. And move past this. Because this is a mess.
Right now I want a lot of things.
- more free time
- a better job/a career
- motivation to exercise
- a harry potter marathon
- a true blood marathon
- brunch with my bestie