With great power comes great responsibility. The super-center promoted me to a supervisor. It’s more money which takes a little bit of weight off my shoulders but it’s a lot more responsibility. I’m not going to lie, I feel like I am making mistakes at every turn.
But my faith is holding strong. I can get through it. I have a good set of people in front and behind me.
For once in my life I do not have a concrete plan. I am use to knowing where I am going and why. I know that path that I should take. And I arrive when I arrive. It seems like recently I have just lost it. I want a well paying job in the non-profit sector. And I want to go back to school, but both seem really difficult.
I feel like the loser grown up who stays with her mom. The scary person lurking in the shadows. I keep thinking that I need to get my head in the game, but how much time do I need to get my head in the game. All my time seems to be thinking and waffling. I’m in a rut and I do not know how to move forward.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?
I am a fan of action plans. I think maybe I need an action plan. But maybe I am doing a lot of planning and not enough doing. Maybe I need to do and not plan. I am afraid I am letting life just happen.
I am so all over the place right now. I am living at home about to go blind okay just losing my sight from a degenerative eye disease. I don’t want to be where I am now. I want to be somewhere totally different. I don’t want to be living with my mother at 30. I don’t want to be single. I don’t want to be at the supercenter.
Everyone seems to have the answers, well where the answers are for me. I feel trapped.
Name: If you don’t know it than it is what it is
Provenance: Seattle, Washington
Profession: Clinical Social Worker, author, and artist
Bon Fides: B.A. in Sociology concentrated in Gender and Sexuality from Georgia State University, Masters in Public Administration from Strayer University, and A Masters in Clinical Social Work from University of Georgia. Has written for Body and Soul, Bon Appettit, Glamour, Ebony, Jet Magazine, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Outside, Psychology Today, and the Journal.
Reading: Think Like a Man . . . by Steve Harvey
Dream subjects: Interviewing. I would love to interview JLo, Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Miss Piggy, Chelsea Lately.
Dinner Party: We have a dinner club. Each month a different house. 12 members and 12 houses. I just made a lobster pot pie.
Yes, I am scared. I am scared of so much right now.
I’m scared of . . .
- staying in mega debt for the rest of my life
- not finding a guy (I’m not desperate because I’d rather die alone than be with a a-hole)
- not ever having kids
- having my options of kids taken away from me
- being the old maid people invite to parities
- not being able to do what I really want to do
- being fat forever
- becoming a pessimist
- living with my mom for the rest of my life
- never finding a job
Honestly I;m just a glorified cashier. And yesterday a manager seemed to mildly attack my attire. I was wearing the same shirt and pants that I always wear when she asked me if they told me about the dress code in the particular area I’m in. I tried to let it roll off like beaded water on a car windshield but the conversation was prolonged and I felt judged.
I did two things. The first thing I brought it up to our collective supervisor, whom said yes they would like us to dress up in this particular area. But she assured me what I had on was fine. Then I went online and got my job description and checked the store dress code. Neither said anything about dressing up for this particular area of the store.
So now I feel all down and in the outs. Because my appearance isn’t what I would like it to be. I would like to get my hair done every week, which would total out to $180 a month. As for my attire, how the hell do you dress up a navy blue collared shirt and khaki pants. If you guys have any suggestions please comment or email me.
Today is Saturday and I am okay that it’s Saturday. I am working on some things. I finally have a true set schedule. I am just working on getting my life more manageable. They have given me a little raise at the supercenter. I am indifferent about it. I feel like I should be excited but I also feel like I should be doing and making a hell of a lot more. I also have to figure out a schedule. All goals have to be measurable and I am going to make a weekly calendar and branch out my plans.
I work at a place where there is a lot of traffic and I am often at the door or on a register. I’ve seen lots of people. I see people I’ve gone to Georgia State University with, people from Strayer, past clients, old coworkers, people I have sat on state committees with, and people who work at other places throughout Atlanta. With all that said I never thought I would see my ex-boyfriend’s ex girlfriends. Thank goodness I haven’t seen his wife in my place of work.
A little back story is needed. He’s the only person I have dated, or been on a date with. My first boyfriend and the only one I have ever had. And seeing his exes wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t have such an unpleasant interactions with them.
The first one is a lesbian, so why would she even be bothered with caring about him. I’m the girl he dated after her. But come on you’re a lesbian, next time you have an issue when coming through my line stare at my huge boobs.
The second girl, is the girlfriend after me. She was holding a conversation. We were never really friends. I met her like once. She’s a friend of a friend. And she asked me about a job. Girl, I cannot give you a recommendation because I do not know you.
People if you ever see me at work ignore me. Just have me melt into the wall.