Yeah

I am totally everywhere.  I keep thinking about where am I.  What am I doing?  My life is passing me by.

I’m 30. I’m not even thirty, I’m 31.  Eeek, I almost forgot.

Living at home working at the megacenter.  I don’t know how to move forward.  I am stuck!!!!  And I feel I suck.  I am sucking at life.  Moving out would make me feel better but I don’t make anything.  My checks are four hundred dollars no matter how long I work.

Me Right Now – 5/5/2013

Firstly, I miss my niece.  She moves a lot but I love her.

  • Digging: getting my room clean and Target
  • Drinking: cheap fruit punch
  • Eating: Cheese pizza
  • Listening: Glee. Can’t watch it
  • Wearing: yoga pants and four dollar JC Penney shirt
  • Reading: While We Were Watching Downton Abbey
  • Feeling: Like there are not enough hours in a day
  • Weather: raining hard
  • Wanting: more money
  • Needing: more money
  • Wishing: for a major life change

Meatballs

I made meatballs tonight and my mom and niece loved it.  It made me feel good that they loved and devoured them.  I was beginning to think that my cooking was terrible.  Guess not.

Now I can set forth and cook more things.

Trying

I am trying something new.  No, blogging isn’t new for me.  But I haven’t been blogging constantly since I got laid off in 2009.  I’ve been in a funk and just existing  And I cannot do that anymore.  If I want a life, I have to go out and get one.

I have to be more than just my job.  I have to have more than just my job going on for me.  My job and Game of Thrones are keeping me fat and in the same place I’ve been for a while.  The starting line is behind me and I am at a steady pace.  I’m ready to enjoy this.

May 2013

Large

May is for:

  • graduations
  • roadtrip with my bestie
  • planning vacations for the next year
  • bestie’s birthday
  • preparing for June’s birthdays
  • getting into some kind of exercise groove
  • thinking about what I really want

Right Now 3-13-2013

Right now:

  • Watching Suits (and they referenced a certain Downton Abbey)
  • Thinking about making more money.  Way more money than I am making now.
  • Still a little up in arms about someone telling me I’m not good enough to get a job I am already doing.  Slap in the face yes.  Who does anyone think they are telling someone they can’t do something.
  • Trying to keep my stress level down. TRYING.

Current 2.24.13

listening to the Oscars and only looking up to see what people are wearing.

eating waffles

drinking guava juice

trying to stick to my goals

worrying that everything will not work out

needing another off day before Friday

missing the money I need to make

Yes and NO

I am broke.  Even after I get my tax return I am broke.  I cannot find a job that equals to my skills and education.  And I am broke. I feel like applying to jobs is a joke.  I feel like no one is going to hire me.  It feels like a vicious circle.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m stuck.

REDUE

Can I get a redo?  On life? 

I just feel like I have screwed up my life beyond repair.  People think that I am smart and looking back at my track record I feel stupid.  I feel contemned to the life of an old maid with a job that is leading no where.

Yes I sound like a broken record.  I have to move forward.  And move past this. Because this is a mess.