I never thought I was a perfectionist because nothing is prefect in my life. Truth is I am a perfectionist why try at all if it can’t be perfect. Forget the means to the end, I want the ending. My type of perfectionist wants people to think of me a certain way, perfect. It’s the worst kind to have because people don’t even know that you are holding them as the judge, executioner, and jury. This type is supported by subtypes, which are focusing on the negative and seeker of excellence.
Focusing on the negative means that I focus on what I don’t have and see all the bad things. Optimist I am not. So I am going to counter my negative thoughts with three positive thoughts, even though I want to more, I think I should start small. It’s going to be hard for me to change my whole attitude on weight. 1. I know I can do it 2. At least I am contemplating change. 3. It’s something I can do for me. I’ve always said it’s a lifestyle change I am after. So lifestyle changes take time.
Seeking excellence is my downfall. The cup isn’t half empty or full for me, because I want the source of the water so I can dictate how much is in my cup. I have to discover the things joy in things I am doing wrong. This is going to be tougher, than I thought. And I have to believe no one is perfect. I knew I had something on you Beyonce.
Lounging in a chair
Drawing/sketching
Nursing a margarita
In a bikini
Life is getting weird.
Work- Still on the lay off plan. I think we’ll be starting new jobs soon.
Romance- None to speak of. Only the perfect guy in mt dreams that get me no where.
Health- Cancer free. May need an eye transplant. Yuck
Money- Not where I want it to be. I am spending a lot.
Where is your mobile phone? on the consol at home
Where is your significant other? don’t have one
Your hair colour? black/red. And cute all over
Your mother? working on her caddy
Your father? who knows
Your favourite thing? right now scrapbooking
Your dream last night? I was having a relations while someone was sleeping next to me
Your dream goal? higher education
The room you’re in? my office
Your hobby? scrapbooking
Your fear? not being good enough
Where do you want to be in 6 years? working on a doctorates and a family
Where were you last night? at second job
What you’re not? flakey
One of your wish-list items? camera
Where you grew up? ATL
The last thing you did? testing
What are you wearing? jeans, green tee, black shoes, and a gray sweater
Your TV? it’s not working, I don’t have a convortor
Your pets? None
Your computer? cracked screen
Your mood? flips
I never thought of myself as resilient until a coworker I was talking to said it. I care about everyones opinion but I could live without them. In 2009 I told myself things would be different. And so they are. Lol.
I just had an outpatient procedure that was lackluster. I don’t know what outpatient procedure isn’t. I survive but I am sore and there are somethings which I didn’t expect. I’ll spare you the details. I didn’t tell my mom about the procedure because I thought I could go through it myself. I was wrong I needed someone there. Before the surgery was over by fate she was there. And I’m glad for that.
I have to be strong this year and make some tough decisions. And I am not going to be as badass to say that I don’t need anyone but I am cleaning house and looking toward the horizon.
… Places I’ve visited: Vegas, LA, San Antonio
… cars I’ve owned: 1999 Nissian Sentra, 2002 Honda Accord
…foods I love: Sushi, duck, rice
…jobs I’ve held: Cashier, McDonalds, Cashier Wal-Mart, and Prevention Specialist
…authors I love: Veronica Chambers, Elizabeth Gilbert, Stephenie Meyers
…places I’ve lived: Germany, Atlanta, San Antonio
…favorite hobbies: listing, blogging, scrapbooking
…bones I’ve broken: teeth
…TV shows I watch: Greek, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Being Erica
…favorite drinks: Water, Sweet tea, Ices Mocha Drinks
…fun board games: Cranium, Scrabble
…stores I could spend a whole day in: Target, Borders, and Sams
…chores I put off as long as possible: Washing dishes, straightening up my dresser, ironing
…chores I kind of like: recycling, decluttering
- Modifying my budget, because I already wrecked the one I had for June.
- Actually watching the things I am eating and working out. I am going to participate in weigh-in monthly.
- Thinking about the big “C”. I mean do I still have cancer? Or is it null and void? Any who. I am going to this dinner which I am scared about. I thought I would be ok but it’s especially for people who are being treated for Cancer or who has been treated for Cancer at Northside Hospital.
- Making plans about the future. I want to move out and got to school. I need plans just in case my initial plans don’t work out.
- I hope I didn’t overextend myself this weekend with friends and family days.
- I am looking for some delicious yet affordable pink Champagne, because I want to have it and chocolate this weekend.
- I really don’t want to watch Twilight or a gay film this weekend. I’m supportive of my Aunts lesbianism, but I want her to keep the movies to herself. The L Word is cool but I don’t want to watch girl on girl action flicks.
Current book: The Joy of Scrapbooking
Current music: “The Climb” Miley Cyrus
Current guilty pleasure: See the two above.
Current color: Khaki
Current Obession: finding time for myself and hanging out with friends
Favorite drink: anything mocha
Current movie: Bride Wars
Current TV show: Greek
Current wishlist: free time, self control, and graduate school acceptance
Current Goal: lose weight and save money
Current mood: cranky
I was going to post a blog about what I was excited about, but I decided not to because ironically enough I am not excited about much these days. I am waiting for something to happen and magically change my life. Hell I am waiting for a life. Nothing over the top like some dream of, just not the lie I have been having the past year. Yes, 2009 has not been kind to me at all. This year has been trying and it’s only half way over. What am I going to do to change it? I don’t know.
The worst part is I feel alone.
I’m feeling uncomfortable in my body today. I go to the doctor tomorrow so I will tell him about the problem. I feel a cyst on my left side. It feels like pressure. Really annoying and draining.
I work tonight which is maddening because I want to lounge on the couch and watch television. I wanted two jobs and now I have them. I need to stop complaining. But it’s stressful and I was already being alienated by friends. Now I am even more alienated by them. Life goes on but it’s hard to adjust to some of the changes. For instance you not registering on friends radars.
I have a minor surgery next week. I’m not worried I just don’t have anyone to pick me up. I don’t want to make a big deal about it. The fun thing is I’ll be under anesthesia. I am going to ask about the pesky cyst too. The drama in my reproductive organs, lol.
